August 29

”Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire, be breaks out against all sound judgement.” Proverbs 18:1

I can easily relate to my fellow addicts when they talk about isolation and how it seems to be such an integral part of the addictive process. I have been there, and in recovery, a pull towards isolation is a warning sign of my addiction trying to influence my choices. I falsely believed that what was done in isolation affected only myself and was nobody’s business but my own. As I grow in recovery, I know that this is not true, and that isolation, usually, means that I am headed in the wrong direction. In isolation my addiction has power as it removes me from all the external positive influences in my life. As the second part of the quote goes, this is where I tend to lack the common sense I usually possess to distinguish good choices from poorer ones. Instead I find myself listening to the whispers of the little devil sitting on my shoulder. Not a good spot for me to find myself in for sure. All this is not to say that I can never be alone. There is a distinct and important difference. Being alone, when I am seeking solitude, is healthy and is an opportunity for me to slow down, reflect, ponder, meditate or dream. Isolating is more a deliberate act to push everything away, to cut myself off from the world around me. That is a sign of trouble ahead. I am learning how to accept being along and doing so in a positive way.

Affirmation

Isolation leads me down the wrong path, today I will work on being alone and finding solitude by working my program.

August 26

”Whoever starts out toward the unknown must consent to venture alone.” Andre Gide

Looking back, this was probably the aspect of admitting I had an addiction that frightened me the most – having to face it on my own. Discovering my S-group and realizing that there were others like me was a huge relief, even if I was nervous going to my initial meetings. I felt at home almost immediately and found a place where it was safe and where I could allow myself to talk openly and honestly for the first time. I know that my recovery is my own journey, one that no one else can take. Yet at the same time, I know there is a great deal of support should I choose to avail myself of it. I am blessed to be able to leverage the strength, hope, experience and wisdom of others who have gone before me, or who are in the midst of their recovery like I am. Recovery is no longer as scary an idea, even though I realize that it takes a lot of work and effort. That part is alright, even welcomed, as I would rather be putting my energy into activities that are making me a better person than those which were out to destroy me. Rather than merely existing moment to moment, I much prefer to be living life to the fullest.

Affirmation

I may need to recover on my own, but with the support of my friends in the program, I am certainly not alone.