November 18

”Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are.” Malcom S. Forbes

I am grateful for the Step work that I have done so far. I found the approach that I used was a great tool which focused on balance and that gave equal weight to looking at the negative aspects of my past as well as the positive. The bad stuff was easy to find, there was an ample supply. The good parts were more challenging to find, but these were key components to help me in my recovery. Through these existing and recognizable strengths I was able to focus on parts of me, where I was at in the present, that were wholesome and good, and that became the foundation of redefining who I was as a person. In many ways, through those initial weeks and months of recovery, I overvalued what I thought I was – all those ugly parts that I associated with my addict. I undervalued what had been hidden or pushed aside as a result, or the character traits that I thought were only part of the façade, the public face to the world, which were still (and are) assets and things to be proud of. There was a great deal of soul searching while I worked through sorting out the kind of person I thought I was. I uncovered some strange things. I began to notice how many of my strengths had been subverted to support my addiction rather than healthier choices. Some obvious examples were my ability to write, my concern for others, and my ability to focus on the task at hand. All these are tools, and like any tool, they are not in themselves good or bad, but can be made so by how they are put to use. This awareness gave me building blocks to re-use solid parts of me for my recovery and to give them positive value.

Affirmation

The courage of Step One is the willingness to delve into myself and rediscover who I am. This is the beginning of a journey worth taking.

August 16

July 16

”You are the only person on earth who can use your ability.” Zig Ziglar

There are days when I have to remind myself that I am unique. It’s easy for me to fall into the trap of feeling like just another person in society, following the same rules, and forgetting all the things that make me who I am. But the truth is that there is no one else out there like me. My experiences are mine and mine alone. No one else has the same set of strengths and weakness that I do. No one else looks exactly like me, speaks like me, works like me or thinks like me. I am the only and only me. So then it follows that my Higher Power gave me what I have. I am the only one who can work with those tools, abilities and skills. Others might be able to see them and try to bring them to bear in certain circumstances like work, on a sports team or in a community group. But it still comes down to me putting them into action. And I waste those talents when I choose not to put them to use. So it’s true that I, as a member of the human race, have a responsibility to be of service. How else can I share my knowledge, experience and skills with others? The 12 Steps and 12 Traditions promote a life of service. While my recovery is a selfish pursuit, focused on bettering myself, the end result is that I am a healthier and more responsible citizen who can share the best of myself with the world around me. That is a worthy endeavour and something I strive to do each day. How can I be of service to others today?

Affirmation

In improving my own state of coping with the world, I will become better able to give back and be of service to others.

500

Wow, hard to believe. It was quite the experience to get the proof copy of my book, to hold in my hands a bound, color-printed cover, of my own words. And now I have 500 meditations posted on my blog, perhaps the good beginnings of a second book? Honestly though, the work here is done mainly for myself. My writing is a key part of my program, an important piece of my inner circle behaviours that allows me a venue to get out the things that are bothering me, that I am experiencing, and a place to give a voice to my emotions. I am grateful for this gift from my Higher Power. For those of you who continue to follow my journey and read my humble thoughts, I hope that you find solace in the sharing of my experiences.

In Serenity,

Scott

A New Beginning

As my postings for yesterday and today attest, somethings must eventually come to an end. Today's meditation closes out a complete year's worth of daily thoughts. Through my experience of writing these 366 entries, I have grown in my program, and hope that my humble words have helped others along the way as much as they have helped me to get to know myself better.

I am now transitioning into a new phase of my recovery. I am looking forward to spending the next year as a reader of my own words, to reflect on just how far along my path I have come since putting pen to paper. It will be an interesting twist to see how much of my own story will relate to the days ahead.

I still intend to keep writing meditations, but not necessarily with the same vigour as I have over the past year and half. Journalling has become an important tool to help me reflect and deal with the challenges I face as I stumble down my path of recovery, so I know better than to ignore something that is of use to my own growth.

I hope that if you have become a regular follower that you continue to check for new material, or refer to the older posts. Wherever you are in your own journey, I pray that you continue to make that all-important choice each day, and choose to be in recovery.

God Bless and may you spend this day in Serenity.

A Lesson in Humility

Well, so here is the gist of the matter. With all the best intentions (read planning and scheming), I boldy set out publishing my meditations with, I thought, a reasonable stockpile of roughly 90 reviewed, ready-to-post, meditations in m back pocket. I reasoned that if I could maintain a pace of writing 5 new ones a week, well, then I should relatively easily make it to posting a continuous 366 day's worth. So here we are after 2/3 of a year published, and the well of meditations has run dry. Well, maybe that is an overstatement - there are certainly plently of ideas running around in my head, its more the lack of having extracted them onto paper, then typing  them up and reviewing them to prepare them for posting that is missing.

So, to any of you have been faithful followers, my sincerest apologies as I expect that for the foreseeable future, that there may be, dare I say it, holes in my daily meditations. I have been slowly switching to a daily routine, but I know that life, as it often does, will through kinks into the works that will challenge me to keep this a true daily posting.

Still, on a personal note, having completed just over 240 meditations, a combined effort of about a year's worth of work, feels pretty good. I am going to accept a self pat-on-the-back for not having given up, well, at least entirely, on this aspect of my recovery, which has had the added benefit of bringing me closer with my parents, of all people, who have been a great support throughout these past months of change.

SoI hope you bear with me as the transition takes place, and who knows, maybe making this a truer "daily" blog won't be so bad after all. I have faith that my Higher Power knows what is best and will be there to support me in all my endeavours.

In Serenity,
Arthur

Lean On Me - Introduction

I started writing these daily meditations as part of my own journey in recovery. I have always been drawn to quotations from a variety of sources, and once in the SAA program I began to see many in a new light. Before long I started a journal, filled with quotes that spoke to me, not only in terms of where I was in my recovery, but where I wanted to be. I also started to bring in tidbits of wisdom, hope and strength from fellow SAA members, and those thoughts to have been captured in my reflections within these pages.

I am a sex addict, and will be for all the days of my life. But this no longer discourages me; rather it gives me great joy and even pleasure as I have been fortunate to discover such wonderful people, a second family that exists within the program. And in keeping with the SAA program and steps of recovery, this work is part of my Step 12, “Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other sex addicts, and to practice these principles in our lives.”

The title, Lean on Me, comes directly from the song by the same name. I have found a new family in my fellowship, and have leaned on as many people as I have found that I have been the shoulder there to support someone else. One of the biggest comforts I have found, and have heard echoed from others is that within our groups we no longer feel alone. We have found companions who understand us, have shared our struggles, our hopes and success, and seek to gain sobriety and sanity by working the program.

I am taking the risk of opening my thoughts to the world at large, and to receive criticism against my wisdom in the midst of the chaos of my recovery. I have shared some of what is within these pages with others in my fellowship, and have found they have struck a chord with most. My words come from my heart, and moments of clarity where I am best connected with my Higher Power. May God grant you serenity in reviewing my humble beginnings.