November 13

”When you listen to somebody else, whether you like it or not, what they say becomes part of you.” David Bohm

It’s actually a relief to feel like I am a product of other people and that my interactions with others have helped me to become the person that I am today. If I look back over my years in my addiction, I wanted nothing to do with anyone else unless it was supporting my bad habits in some way. I was really only a product of my selfish desire at that point, and I certainly was not interested in taking on bits of other people. And I am quite certain that I wasn’t doing a whole lot of listening either. Life today is more wholesome. I realize that there are many aspects to who I am as an individual. I know that there are many people, places and things that influence who I am and that can alter my course, positively or negatively. I also know that I don’t have all the answers. Never did, and likely never will. So reaching out for help was a big step. Admitting that I couldn’t do it all on my own and that I needed, heck even wanted, someone else to get me through this was significant. Like the third step, this was mostly about willingness. Being humble enough to realize that without others supporting me, I was not going to change and stay on the right path. Thankfully I have been able to stick with this decision, and know that I have gained a great deal from all those I have met along the way.

Affirmation I am unique, not just simply because of how I was created, but also because of all my experiences and connections with all the people who have crossed my path.

June 6

”Never fear shadows…that always means there is a light shining somewhere.” Jonathon Santos

One of the many challenges of recovery has been learning to accept myself. This is an acceptance of not just the good parts of me, but the whole of me - my addiction, my bad choices, my regrets and loss, as well as all of the more positive things. It is the combination of those things that make up who I am today, that have faced life’s challenges and allowed me to be where I am, right in this present moment. Acceptance does not mean that I have to be willing to keep these things with me for the rest of my life however. My past I can do nothing about, but I have the choice to decide what things I wish to bring with me into the future. I have the ability to change. This is a powerful realization, that I have the capacity to  move from being “holesome”, from having my negative behaviours and attitudes predominate my life, to being wholesome. I can choose to not let the past define me, but rather motivate me to be different and focus on the better aspects, and begin leaving my old behaviours and character defects behind. I can choose not to focus on the shadows of yesterday but look towards the light shining on my face.

Affirmation In the darkness of my life, let me find the strength to continue to move towards the light of my Higher Power and recovery.