March 3

”Life is a cup to be filled not drained.” Anonymous

Acceptance of the good things in life is not something that comes easy. After years of putting myself down, of telling myself that I was worth nothing, that nothing good was ever meant to happen to me, it’s challenging to receive happiness and prosperity into my world. Yet this is what I always wanted and what I felt I deserved. My poor self-esteem is a fundamental part of this process. I am gradually rebuilding, slowly coming to accept that my view of myself has to start within. So on those days when I like who I see in the mirror, when I am able to recognize and congratulate myself on my achievements, these are steps towards loving myself once again. I take heart in the fact that I am surrounding myself with others who care about me. It is a comfort to know that I can be loved as I am. Certainly, if others are willing to take that step, I have to be able to do likewise and be proud to be who I am, and accept gratitude and reward as something I deserve because I do deserve it. It’s time for me to focus on filling my cup.

Affirmation I am worthy of recognition, acceptance, friendship, respect and love. First and foremost from myself, and certainly as well from others.

October 29 (96)

”The journey is the reward.” Taoist proverb

It came to my attention during a recent meeting that I haven’t really looked at renewing my reward system. For years there was only one real train of thought that I followed and I hadn’t recognized in my recovery that this system needed to be updated. I didn’t even know really where to start, so I had to ask for help. The best advice I had was to start looking at things that I like to do. Reading for enjoyment is one of my favorite pastimes and it is something that has fallen by the wayside. So either borrowing a book from the library or buying one that I like to read and setting aside some me time to enjoy became a reward on my list. Watching a good movie can also be a healthy reward for me. I also need to be aware of other rewards that can be less of a good choice. Food is a touchy one for me, a nice meal is okay, but junk food is not as I can use it to compensate rather than reward. The importance is to understand if what I choose is truly a reward or an escape. It’s all about learning new ways to cope, which includes finding new ways to treat myself that are positive and support my recovery. This is an important aspect of my program to help ensure I don’t replace one addiction with another.

Affirmation Rewards are as important as my coping mechanisms and I will reflect on the ways that I can treat myself in a healthy way today.

September 12

”If you can’t feed a hundred people, then just feed one.” Mother Theresa

I like to make an effort that has an easily measurable reward. Even better, is if there is enough effort to be worthy of recognition of others. Hmm, another character defect…seeking recognition for my efforts to feel validated by others, to let them define my sense of self-worth. This too is another place that can hold me back. So, I can’t go save a whole boatload of people, why should I bother helping someone cross the street? Oh I can’t afford a large donation to the local charity, so why drop a couple of dollars in the bucket for a good cause? Life is about what I can do and accepting it. So maybe for today I can only hold the door open for someone, smile at people as I greet them, or respect the speed limit and the rules of the road. My efforts most likely will go unnoticed by most of the world. So be it…but my Higher Power is watching. My authenticity today, being true to my values and beliefs, will give a reward later, when I least expect it. It is not about recognition from others anyways, it is about living with honesty and integrity. Being able to be comfortable in my own skin is worth more than any reward or compensation.

Affirmation I will be alright with what I can do today, for others and myself. Living to fulfill the will of my Higher Power will have its rewards in time.