April 26

"No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world.” Robin Williams

I have often question my place and purpose in the world, especially when things are not going the way I had planned or hoped. In those moments, it is hard to feel like I am making a difference or that I matter. The program is teaching me that it is in these times, especially, that I need to focus on my blessing and practice gratitude. For I can all too easily get caught up in what I am missing, completely forgetting about all the blessings which have been given to me. There is also another lesson that I have been practicing,  and that is performing acts of service. Doing something for others, merely because I can and I am able, is important. It is a small way to change the world for someone else. And it is a great way from me to get out of my own head and to show that I can be useful, that what I do matters. It is also about supporting and building my community.  At the end of the day, when I look back objectively, I can usually find a few things that I have done to show that it mattered that I was in the world for the day. Even if it was only paying a compliment, holding a door open, or giving a friendly smile to a stranger. Even those simple acts of kindness help to make the world a better place to be.

Affirmation

I can practice gratitude and acts of kindness today to  help the world be a kinder place to live.

April 8

"As with all commandments, gratitude is a description of a successful mode of living. The thankful heart opens our eyes to a multitude of blessings that continually surround us.” James E. Faust

I read somewhere that the difference between giving thanks and being grateful is that the former is done with words, but the latter through action. I guess that is a bit apparent in the two terms - giving thanks versus being grateful. We give compliments, praise, and thanks, and this usual implies our words. But being kind, courteous or grateful, is indeed more about our actions. It can include words but needs to be something more. So listing things I am grateful for is more akin to just giving thanks. To express gratitude to someone, well maybe that is accompanied by a token of my appreciation, or some act of service to show how I felt. It requires more commitment from me to express appropriately. Giving thanks is certainly a part of gratitude, but in being grateful, I am changing who I am for the better, seeking the positive, improving myself to make the world a nicer, kinder, gentler place.

Affirmation

I will practice gratitude today, finding acts of showing how grateful I am for the people and blessing I have in my life.

November 12

” It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.” J. K. Rowling

I believe that addiction, any addiction, is a disease of choice. That the addictive process affects the brain’s ability to make choices, to evaluate a situation and to understand the repercussions of our actions. As most significant recovery literature points out, without this disease, the threat of the consequences, the harm it can and does cause to ourselves and those around us, would be enough to make us stop. The fact that we, that I, continued to make choices to support my addiction and to act out in spite of the damage it would cause, confirms that belief. I have learned in recovery that although I have this disease which affects how I make decisions, I am not doomed forever. The problem is only present when I am actively supporting my addict, and when I am sober, when I abstain from those behaviours and activities that are part of my addiction, I can and do make sane and healthy choices. It is said that actions speak louder than words. By corollary, my abilities, the things I am capable of, are not worth much if they do no match my choices and how I decide to interact with the world around me. My program is giving me the tools and tips to be a productive and connected member of society, rather than isolating and only seeking to fulfill my own selfish desires. I am grateful for the gift of choice which has been restored to me by working the steps.

Affirmation

I will focus on my ability to make choices today, and work at making the best choices that I can to support my program and my recovery.

November 9

”You’re never too small to receive big things, and should never be too big to appreciate the small ones.” Anonymous

More and more I find reasons to be appreciative of the world around me. Recovery has allowed me to be more conscious of all the wonders that life has to offer, big and small. This expanded view of everything, this limitless horizon, has made me want to give thanks for all the beauty, joy and love that I see. This is all a part of my continually improving relationship with my Higher Power, and my opportunity to give praise and thanks for the opportunities and experiences that I have been offered. Life is not always a bed of roses. There are days which are grey, with dark clouds that follow me. Yet even in these moments there are things that I can be grateful for. I know my Higher Power, and many others are with me during those harder times. I have many tools, resources and skills to help me cope and overcome whatever I am facing. There is always hope of the better times to come, and I know that there is a reason for me going through whatever the situation is, even if I don’t realize it at the time. Life is a journey with many colours, flavours, twists and turns along the way. Things rarely happen the way I plan or hope. Yet I am confident that my Higher Power has a good plan for me, that there is a purpose to the path I am following. Therefore I am grateful for all the experiences along the way because the end result will have been worth all that I had to get through to reach the goal.

Affirmation

Today I give thanks for all that has happened, the good, the bad and the ugly. I trust in the divine purpose of my life and that my Higher Power does indeed know what is best for me.

April 6

”Talent is God given. Be humble. Fame is man-given. Be grateful. Conceit is self-given. Be careful.” John Wooden

The Steps are teaching me humility. Where I used to think my exploits were something extraordinary, something I could brag about, or even be proud of, today I see them in a different light. Having found out that I am not quite so unique, that there are others with similar talents, has humbled me. However, more humbling have been the tales of those who have hit bottom because of their addiction, and the steps needed to rise from that dark pit. Thank you God for the humility to recognize how to use my talents. I have had fleeting moments of fame and recognition. In hindsight I attributed my successes to my own efforts, often without gratitude for those who had supported me, and certainly did not recognize my Higher Power’s role. Thank you God for whatever recognition you allow me to receive, I am grateful for it. I have succumbed to the sins of pride and conceit, of measuring myself against others and judging that I am better. This is a personal flaw, and is not a healthy stance for me to have. I recognize that I am as imperfect as everyone else in the world, and do not need to rank myself among my fellow human beings. I will be careful.

Affirmation

Humility and gratitude are great strengths of character that I will promote, to better myself, and to avoid pitfalls like conceit and jealousy.

January 22

“Don’t waste yourself in rejection, nor bark against the bad, but chant the beauty of good.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

Even in my recovery I can spend too much time in my negativity. Not only for what I have done or what I am not doing, but also just for always seeing the bad side of life’s events. I am coming to realize that focusing on the negative aspects and brooding over the problem does little to make me feel better or move me towards a solution. It is some mental reprogramming that I need to put in place to erase all the pessimism that ruled my former thinking. The tool of affirmations is helping me to move in a better direction and to see things in a more positive light. It is a learning process that does not come naturally for me. It takes a conscious effort to build this into my program of recovery, including reciting them in front of the mirror. It is a recurring theme in my step work as well. The flip side of all that negativity is gratitude. This is another place I need to work at and find and count my blessings. In my daily prayer I make an effort to list 3-5 things that I am thankful for, no matter how big or small. It is all part of improving my attitude and outlook on life.

Affirmation I can learn to look on the bright side of life and let go of darkness that used to predominate. There is a gift to be found in every situation.

December 26

”A thankful person can find contentment anywhere.” Anonymous

Some days are certainly easier than others to find reasons to be happy. The holidays, especially Christmas, have always been a time to celebrate with friends and family. As I pass through this period, apart from any family of my own, at least any who are physically close for me to spend time with, trying to keep the spirit of the season in my heart has been an extra challenge. Although I am blessed to have friends who have opened their doors and welcomed me into their homes, part of me knows that it is a poor substitute for the family I once had. Given this is supposed to be a happy and joyous time makes it hard when a large part of me only wants to grieve and be sad. Yet I am trying to let go of what I cannot change right now, hoping and praying that my children are having a good time, trying to make the best of what I have available and to appreciate the people who love and care for me. I know God is by my side, likely carrying me in His hands today as I am not able to stand on my own for my cross is too heavy to bear. I do have a late Christmas to look forward to with at least part of my family. I have had the opportunity to focus on the true meaning of Christmas for me, the birth of Christ, while trying to avoid dwelling on what used to be. I have things to be grateful for, even if this is not the way I wanted things to turn out.

Affirmation It may be hard for me today to find reasons to put a smile on my face, but I am still here and have those who can sustain me even when I cannot be with them.

September 9

”No matter who says what, you should accept it with a smile and do your own work.” Mother Theresa

There are days when I surprise myself in my actions. Like the other day when I received a rather lengthy diatribe from my spouse that was a release of anger, frustration, emotion and pain for all the ways I had done them and my family wrong while in my addiction. Somehow I managed to read it all, vent my frustration with other members, and then, after calming myself, replying with a simple and genuine “Thank You.” Those two words have so much meaning. I am grateful that the feelings were shared, grateful to be able to accept the parts that are true and let go of those that are not instead of creating resentments, and grateful to have insight into where my former partner is in their own life. Lastly it was yet another reminder of how much differently I live today than when I was under the influence of my addiction. The program has opened the doors back to the house of the God of my understanding. I have found peace and serenity within, I am continuously letting go of what I cannot control, living in the moment, and happily, in a place where I can truly say, “There but for the grace of God, go I.”

Affirmation Letting my Higher Power into my life brings me peace and serenity; from here I can face all the challenges of life with calmness and reason.

June 19

”Man has never made any material as resilient as the human spirit.” Bernard Williams

It still amazes me how spending a little time in the sunshine on a nice day can make me feel so much better. It is hard to feel down in the dumps with those golden rays beating down, fluffy clouds floating lazily on a bright blue sky. That warmth on my skin seems to have the power to satisfy my basic needs. I am so grateful to be in a state of being where I can rejoice in the simplicities of life. There are so many more places where I find joy, happiness, excitement and fulfillment than in the past from the rather stagnant highs from my acting out. It is a little bit sad looking back and remembering how my addiction seemed to promise so much but always fell short. The simple joys I find each day in nature, in my kids, in living a truer life mean so much more and feel so much better. It does make me wonder how I could have been so blind for so many years. My path of recovery has taken me from the low point where I was totally numb to the world around me to where I am reconnecting to all that surrounds me. My spiritual health meter was running on empty and I had forfeited most of my values and morals. Only a year later, I have regained my spirit and have a healthier outlook and approach to life. God can indeed work miracles.

Affirmation I can appreciate the small wonders. The program promises life will give us back a fulfilling life if we can follow the steps and endure the process.

June 10

”Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.” Albert Einstein

Some say you should count your blessings. For myself, I think recognizing them and giving thanks is terrific, but I don’t feel the need to count them. The same holds true to a degree for my progress in recovery. I am not obsessed with keeping track of how many days of sobriety I have accumulated, what milestones I have reached, or on the other side, how many times I have slipped. What is most important is for me to be in recovery today. That is all that is within my power and it is certainly enough for me to focus on. Life in recovery has been about rediscovering all the small things that I have neglected in my periods of acting out. Being present to hear how someone’s day went, to lend a helping hand around the house, to spend time with a friend are good things that occupy my time. It is the multitude of outer circle behaviours that I need to use to start filling the hole left by my addiction. Still, my biggest aid is my returning spiritual belief in my Higher Power. My restored faith helps to deal with the void I have experienced and I believe it is the only power with the ability to restore my sanity.

Affirmation I will practice my outer circle behaviours today and be grateful for all the small wonders and kindnesses I experience.

May 19

”I have always been delighted at the prospect of a new day, a fresh try, one more start, with perhaps a bit of magic waiting somewhere behind the morning.” J. B. Priestly

I still believe in miracles and magic. I believe in the power of imagination, that anything is possible if you put your mind to it. My kids are a great reminder of this power; in their innocence they see the world through unblemished eyes and without prejudice. I am so grateful that as much as I teach them that there is so much I can learn in observing what they do and how they think. I am thankful that I can still appreciate the small things in life: a beautiful sunset or sunrise, birds singing on a warm spring morning, dew glistening on an intricate spider web, laughing until my stomach hurts, listening to a touching song or piece of music or reading a great book. So many small miracles and pieces of magic surround me each and every day. I feel so lucky to have gained sobriety so that I may enjoy each and every one. Each day opens before us with unlimited possibility and potential. For me, life is too short to carry forward the failures of yesterday or to add in the worries of tomorrow. The hint of the unknown lurking around the next corning is what keeps life interesting for today.

Affirmation I will rejoice today in the simple magical moments of the world around me.

April 28

”Nothing is worth more than this day.” Goethe

I am beginning to appreciate those times when nothing is more precious than that very moment. As I progress in my recovery I find them more often, those WOW! moments when I am simply grateful to be alive. Sometimes it is because of something I have said or done that is genuinely authentic and comes from the heart. Other times it is simply basking in the wonder of something that one of my children has done. Regardless they are all tiny miracles and reminders of the presence of my Higher Power. These are some of the things that I need to remember to show gratitude for having experienced and witnessed. They are also positive reminders of what I have lost when I was obsessed by my addiction. I like being able to refresh my memory of all the joys that I can lose should I stray too far from the path. My life gains meaning and value from each day that I spend in recovery. The fog of the past continues to clear and there is so much more of my world that I have rediscovered. My new-found awareness helps to place me in the proper perspective of my daily surroundings. I am no longer the centre of gravity, but an equally important actor in the play of Life.

Affirmation I will give thanks for those little moments when everything in the world just feels right; it’s great to be alive!

April 19

”Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still.” Chinese Proverb

I am a grateful recovering sex addict. At the beginning of my recovery I was simply me. But the first time I named myself a sex addict, I began to acknowledge my powerlessness over my addiction and to accept the unmanageability of my life. It was the beginning of my process through Step One. Eventually I felt it was time to call myself a recovering sex addict. The change was simply the fact that I was comfortable with the first step, aware of where my addiction had led me in life, and cognisant that I could never go back to that state of ignorance. I woke up each morning knowing that my focus for the day was to be in recovery. Now I am a grateful recovering sex addict. That change occurred while I was in a treatment program for codependency. I realized that while I was comfortable admitting I was a sex addict that I also hid behind that label; that somehow it justified my thoughts and actions. Coming to that realization that I am more than the sum of my parts, or in this case labels, gave me the freedom to start to be truly grateful for all the self-awareness I have gained, and continue to gain, in my journey of recovery.

Affirmation I am willing to change, but accept that many changes will happen when it’s the right time, not when I want them to.

April 17

”Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has many – not upon your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.” Charles Dickens

One of the most interesting things I experienced in treatment was a gratitude meeting. It’s a simple idea where everyone in a meeting takes a turn stating one thing they are grateful for. Everyone takes a turn and it keeps going for a predetermined amount of time. It’s important to give thanks for the good things in our life. The other reason such moments of gratitude are so important is that they are also a way of changing our thought patterns. Whereas our addiction feeds best on negative thinking, we need to increase our positive thinking to aid in our recovery. Giving thanks and counting our blessings is one great way to do just that. Expressing our gratitude also strengthens our relationship with our Higher Power. It increases our hope and reasons to stay sober each day. As well it will strengthen our self-esteem and help us to love ourselves as we are.

Affirmation I will take time today to be grateful for the positive in my life. I can give thanks and praise.

April 2

”I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought, and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.” G. K. Chesterton

I am thankful every time I attend a meeting…maybe not always at the start as I can be reluctant to go, but by the end of every meeting I have heard something that has struck a chord. I know that discovering SAA, the fellowship, my groups and its members have saved my life. I am grateful to the program of recovery that has given me a second chance. The greatest gift I have about living in recovery is that I still have my life to experience. I am able to see that in the height of my addiction I was only barely alive, it was a meager existence. I lived only to serve the needs of my compulsive behaviours. I buried all emotion to remain a slave to the master of my inner circle. Each day of recovery I break the chains that bind me to my former life. I can feel again, I can smile, I can be present in the moment, I have hope. All thanks to the men and women, who like me, have a desire to overcome their addictive sexual behaviour. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Affirmation I will find time to show my thanks to the program that has allowed me a second chance at life.

March 12

”He is a man of sense who does not grieve for what he has not, but rejoices in what he has.” Epictetus

I have started a new habit of taking a few moments at the end of each day to thank my Higher Power for the things that have happened to me during the day. I find these moments of gratitude give me a good opportunity to reflect on the events of the day. It also gives me a chance to appreciate what has happened and the situations that have helped me to grow. It gives me that sober second look to also see if there are issues I can look at improving tomorrow. Taking stock of my life each and every day helps me to see what things I might be holding on to, those that are still bothering me and that I need to be careful to not turn them into regrets or resentments. On the positive it is also a chance to congratulate myself for the small steps of recovery I have made. I can rejoice in all the times I picked up a tool of recovery, asked for help or simply reached out to talk with someone from my support group. Being present in today is always my goal. I find these moments of reflection important to close off today and allow me to start the next day with a clean slate.

Affirmation I will reflect on my days’ trials and triumphs and give thanks for everything that I am grateful for.

February 8

”Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still.” Chinese Proverb

I am a grateful recovering sex addict. At the beginning of my recovery I was simply me. But the first time I named myself a sex addict, I began to acknowledge my powerlessness over my addiction and to accept the unmanageability of my life. It was the beginning of my process through Step One. Eventually I felt it was time to call myself a recovering sex addict. The change was simply the fact that I was comfortable with the first step, aware of where my addiction had led me in life, and cognisant that I could never go back to that state of ignorance. I woke up each morning knowing that my focus for the day was to be in recovery. Now I am a grateful recovering sex addict. That change occurred while I was in a treatment program for codependency. I realized that while I was comfortable admitting I was a sex addict that I also hid behind that label; that somehow it justified my thoughts and actions. Coming to that realization that I am more than the sum of my parts, or in this case labels, gave me the freedom to start to be truly grateful for all the self-awareness I have gained, and continue to gain, in my journey of recovery.

Affirmation I am willing to change, but accept that many changes will happen when it’s the right time, not when I want them to.