November 23

”A moment's insight is sometimes worth a life's experience.” Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

I was reminded recently of how working my program on a consistent basis opens me to new insights. After attending a few meetings in close proximity, I uncovered a new perspective on this addiction. I have struggled a bit in the past as the professional community is pretty mixed on whether or not sex addiction is truly an addiction. But what I have come to realize is that it does not matter. You see, being in my meeting rooms made me aware of how much wisdom is present in all of us struggling with this affliction. There is ample proof that we are ordinary people capable of great things and deep thoughts and reflection. Yet at the same time, we also struggle against something more powerful than us which occasionally takes away that ability. Call it an addiction or not, the 12 Steps and the program of recovery have worked for me, like it has and continues to work for others, to regain a sense of balance and normalcy. This is why each day I make a promise to be in recovery. It is why I need to work my program, to pray and meditate, go to meetings, work the steps, reach out to members. It is why I need to do the other basic things in life like sleep properly, eat well, and exercise. It is also why I need to spend quality time with friends and love ones, play and have fun, and live in the present. These are all the components of my program, and if they do not come first, then there is something else waiting in the wings to fill in the time. That is my reality as an addict. Period.

Affirmation

My recovery is my own to define, to follow and it is my responsibility to maintain. Others can help keep me on track, but in the end I need to put in my own time, energy and effort.

August 17

”Concentrate all your thoughts upon the work at hand. The sun’s rays do not burn until brought to a focus.” Alexander Graham Bell

Being in recovery requires concentration. This is a new way of living, and in many respects it is quite different from how I lived my life for many years. Therefore it does not come naturally or instinctively to recognize my feelings, to notice triggers, or to stay focused on the present moment. The best I can equate it to is learning a new language, that my head needs to learn to think “in recovery”, that I need to grasp the grammar of the steps so that I can act in ways that support my program. This is no easy task. And it was hardest in the beginning, when everything was new. Yet it has eased over time, gradually I have been able to form new habits, make tools and behaviours feel more normal. But I can still remember those initial moments when most things felt awkward and forced. But that is because they were. Changing fundamental parts of me is not pleasant, it goes against the normal of how things have always been. This is not something I managed to do totally of my own accord. I needed a support network, others in recovery, friends and family, to help encourage me to continue down this new path. The unfamiliar territory was a little scary at first, but I knew the old path was even worse. The risk has been worth it, even though the discomfort was there. Discomfort for me now means change, and change has been a positive in my life in recent years. I am slowly shedding the skin of my addiction and letting my true colours come to light. It’s an effort of concentration and focus well worth the pursuit.

Affirmation

Recovery is a learning experience. It requires my time, energy and dedication to become an integral part of me, but the reward is well worth my efforts.

May 19

”But do you want to know, O foolish man, that faith without works is dead?” James 2:20

Ah, there it is – faith without works is dead, or perhaps better put, nothing. My faith in the program can be without fault, but without action taken to prove it means little. My thoughts of being better, of changing my ways, are a great start, but I need to take steps to show that I am behaving differently. In the program this is often the walking the walk part (and not simply just talking the talk.) My Higher Power, through grace, prayer and meditation, continues to bestow wisdom upon me. If I am simply a sponge and absorb this knowledge, but do nothing with it, the gift is wasted. When I take this wisdom and put it to use, when it works to change my ways or finds its way onto these pages, then I have made it a part of my life and HIS-story. It has become me working His will and taking His guidance. I’ve been quite foolish in my life. I have believed in many things yet done nothing to show what I believed. I have also believed in many of the wrong things, and done too much to show that I had those poor beliefs. Thinking about faith still brings to mind a poster I saw many years ago, with a kitten hanging from a tree branch over a river with the caption “Faith isn’t faith until it’s all you’re holding on to.” I used think that was the only definition, but it’s not. Faith for me is a regular part of my day, the confidence that my Higher Power is steering me in the right direction at all times, not just when I feel I am out on a limb.

Affirmation

There’s a reason I need to “work” my program. Concrete steps are required to show that things are moving in a different and better direction.

May 6

”Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, ‘Whom shall I send and who will go for us?’ Then I said, ‘I, Here I am, send me.’” Isaiah 6:8

It’s happened more than once that I have been sitting wondering who should step up to take on a particular role and then the realization has come of, why not me? This is usually followed by a few minutes of inner dialogue while I run through reasons (read excuses) of why I am not available, capable, etc. (more excuses) to be able to take on said task (rationalization and justification.) Thankfully, I am more in tune with my instinct and have strengthened my faith in my Higher Power (spiritual awakening) to step forward and volunteer. This has been apparent in my recovery (working my program) as well as other parts of my life (wholeness). It’s important for me to listen to signs that are challenges for me (meditation) to face and overcome something I needed to work on, even though I don’t usually recognize the opportunity at first (faith in His Will). Yet it has happened enough times that I let out a sigh, look up and send a message to God (let Your will, not mine be done) know that I am listening, and jump into action. This all has a lot to do with serving, with giving of myself and with following the will of the God of my understanding. It’s a sign of growth, of trust and faith, that the path He has laid before me is a good one and that I am willing to walk it. It’s also humility in acknowledging that I may not know the best way to go and that I am ready to serve and face whatever is placed before me as there is a good reason for it.

Affirmation

Today I will work at Letting Go and Letting God, seeking His will for my life, trusting in the route He has chosen for me to follow.

February 9

”Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes.” Oscar Wilde

I have to be responsible for my own happiness. Expectations of others to make me happy, to fulfill my wants and desires, to comfort and console – all these divert control of my life to someone else and are doomed to fail. This is selfishness on my part, wanting others to act, usually only on my whims and unspoken wishes, to make my life easier. I need to make sure I am working my program each and every day. I need to take care of my own needs through prayer and meditation and working my steps. I have to work at being present for my family, friends and brothers and sisters in the program. I need to take time to reflect, to ask for forgiveness for the wrongs I have committed to myself and others, as well as giving thanks for the wonders of the day. There are also the mundane tasks of taking care of my surroundings – eating well, exercising, and getting a good night’s rest. It’s the whole package, mind, body and spirit. At the end of the day, it’s remembering to live according the will of my Higher Power. If I am being responsible for my own well-being, I am better positioned to be of service to others. That’s the goal of my selfishness, to be ready to be there for others to my fullest capacity.

Affirmation I am responsible for my own happiness and for taking care of my needs. This helps me to be there to serve others and follow the will of the God of my understanding.

December 5 (59)

”Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.” Will Rogers

Learning about the program is a great help. Having the literature, listening to others, absorbing all the tools and tricks is a part of my recovery. But at some point I need to take action. Leaving my Green book beside my bed is not going to magically transform my behaviours. I need to read and then apply the new knowledge I gain. Just as listening to other people is great, but if I don’t try some of the tools that have worked for others, I can’t expect to be getting better. This is the part of the Serenity Prayer, accepting the things I can change, that I need to be focused on. If I want to stop acting out and behaving like I used to, well then I need to be doing things differently. It’s my task to start making the changes in my life, big or small, to put into practice my program of recovery. That’s why it’s called a program; there is a practical and applicable part that requires me to get involved. Progress will only happen if I am making some kind of effort. The onus is on me; I am the only one who can change what needs to be changed. It is not going to suddenly happen when I get a new job/relationship/life but when I decide that it’s time.

Affirmation I am my own master of my recovery. With the support of my Higher Power and friends in the program, I will take each step forward towards surrender.

October 3

”Every job is a self-portrait of the person who did it, so autograph your work with quality.” Robert Elliot

My recovery is my newest work. It is a work in progress, a work of art, a masterpiece in the making. It is likely one of the most important jobs I will ever undertake because it is the basis for the foundation that everything else in my life will be built upon. Therefore it is something that deserves to be done well. My recovery did not start off with this attitude in mind. At first it was the latest attempt to appease those around me, a sign of good faith to get the freedom to go back to my old ways. However, hearing the stories of others, something stuck out and I found the possibility of a different and better way of living. It still took many meetings and months before I fully trusted the program and began to put 110% effort into it. Recovery is no longer a thing I do, but has become an integral piece of my life. It is part of my new self-portrait. The principles and tools have helped to transform me into the healthier person that I am today. SAA has autographed its teachings into my DNA and for that I am truly grateful.

Affirmation My recovery is a job to be taken seriously. It will only produce results equal to the effort I put into it.

September 27

”Concentration is the secret of strength.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

Temptation is usually strongest when I feel weak. The program mentions the HALT warning signs – Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired. It’s quite true for me that those states are times when I feel more vulnerable. Each of these diminishes my ability to concentrate, to focus on using the tools of recovery rather than turning to my old tried and true behaviours. Being in any of those HALT moods saps my strength and opens cracks in my defence that my addict is always searching for. I need to recognize those things that weaken my resolve. There are often simple ways for me to take care of myself to increase the odds in my favour. I need to ensure that I get enough rest, diffuse my anger through journaling or exercise, connect with others instead of isolating and maintain a balanced diet and avoid excess fast food and junk food. My spiritual strength is also a big factor in my resilience to temptation. Seeing as how my addiction built a wall around my spiritual connections, ensuring I continue to pray, meditate, read spiritual literature and reflect on life are all healthy ways to ground myself. These too are affected when I neglect my basic needs. As the saying goes, First Things First. I need look after my physical body in order to take care of my emotional and spiritual selves.

Affirmation I will pay attention to my basic needs. This is a fundamental step to help me focus on my emotional and spiritual well-being.

September 18

”Go on working freely and furiously, and you will make progress.” Paul Gaugin

My recovery stops when I quit working my program. It may not feel like it right away, it make take hours or days, but eventually, if I am not doing those outer circle activities to maintain sobriety, the shadow of my addiction will constantly creep back into my life. It happens quite innocently, a stray glance or thought, the temptation to look at something or say something that is near the boundaries of my inner circle. Before I know it I can find myself obsessing, fantasizing or even acting out. The road to recovery is a life-long journey. My tools not only need to be with me each and every day, but I am required to use them as well. Progress has to be a continual working towards a better life. The steps are all part of my personal voyage towards living for the will of my Higher Power rather than my own. My addiction never gives up. As is often heard in the program, it is out in the parking lot doing push-ups, patiently waiting for the opportunity to jump back into the driver’s seat. My responsibility with my awareness is to remain vigilant and take away those opportunities. This is the freedom offered to me by the program.

Affirmation I commit to being in recovery today and that means using the tools I have learned to continue taking steps of progress.

August 13

”You can’t build a reputation on what you intend to do.” Liz Smith

Most days I set out with good intentions. I start with a prayer, read a daily meditation, and commit to being in recovery. Yet it still happens that I fall into the routine of my day and my program takes a back seat, present but mostly forgotten or ignored. I somehow make it through the day until something triggers me and then I snap back into recovery mode. This can happen several times throughout the day. I need to actively make recovery and my tools an integral part of my day. Taking sanity breaks to say the Serenity Prayer, reach out to a friend in the program, simply pause, breathe and refocus on the present – all these will help me guard against trigger moments. I can choose to be more proactive in working my program rather than reaction to situations that challenge me. It takes more than good intentions to make my recovery a reality. It takes action and work on my part to put the tools into practice. If I want to change my reputation, how I feel about myself, and remove my secret life, I need to take the steps to make the knowledge I am gaining visible to myself and others. It will take effort, sweat and tears to change into the recovering person I intend to become.

Affirmation It’s my deeds today that will reflect how much I have changed in recovery, so let’s get to it and do it!

August 7

”The snow goose need not bathe to make itself white. Neither need you do anything but be yourself.” Lao-tse

Who am I? What is my purpose in life? Why am I here? What does my Higher Power want with me? I have struggled with many questions like this in my first year of recovery. In fact they still come up from time to time. Usually the trigger is when something significant changes in my life, a relationship starts or ends, new work, a move…but usually it is something external. I need to be reminded that the only opinion of who I am that matters is the one shared between myself and my Higher Power. That is the only person whose judgement really matters, that is objective and unbiased. The Steps are not only a path to reconnecting with the God of my understanding; they are also a recipe to help me find myself. Taking stock of who I am , who I want to be, letting go of the past, turning over my shortcomings and make amends all lead me to my authentic self. I am not changing any fundamental part of me, but choosing to start using those good and real parts to cope with life rather than relying on false idols.

Affirmation I am the one and only me, always have been and always will be. The only approval I need to seek is from my Higher Power who accepts me just as I am.

July 29

”Make each day your masterpiece.” John Wooden

Each day is new, unblemished and full of possibility. When I keep to the routine of my program, start my morning with my daily prayer and meditation, and find time for the reminders like the Serenity Prayer, reaching out to other members, reading SAA literature, writing, working on my steps, I increase the chances of staying present to create a work of art that I will be proud of. This is not a claim of false pride but a sense of accomplishment, of a job well done, of a day spent living as my Higher Power wishes of me. When I lose sight of the simple things that maintain my serenity it does not take long to turn my day towards disaster. I need to be vigilant and aware when my thoughts and deeds are leading me astray from the will of the God of my understanding. I can very easily become distracted from the present by focusing on small things beyond my control. I need to give myself mental kicks in the butt to turn my attention back to the here and now. It is equally important for me to end my day the right way. For me that includes not eating too much sugar close to bedtime, going to sleep at a reasonable hour, reading, journaling or reflecting on the day, and closing by giving thanks to God for what I have experienced and discovered in the past 24 hours. It sets me up to get out of the right side of the bed in the morning.

Affirmation Sticking to my routine today may not guarantee success but it will certainly increase my chances.

July 3

”At first dreams seem impossible, then improbable, then inevitable.” Christopher Reeve

When I walked through the doors of my first SAA meeting and knew I had find a place where I belonged, you could not have convinced me of how much my life would change in that first year. Yet a short 12 months later I was working a program with 6-months of solid sobriety, faithfully attending meetings 2 days a week plus a step-study group. I had reconnected my feelings, given my first step, written numerous meditations, taken on a service position and had gained several friends in the fellowship. All this progress was made in spite of the fact that things were still tense in my marriage which eventually led to a separation and shared custody, my spouse having residual effects from a side-relationship they had started, dealing with teenage kids, learning to live on my own, etc. I am still amazed that I have somehow survived all this emotional turmoil without resorting to acting out. I’ve still slipped into my middle circle occasionally, but my inner circle has been avoided. I can only thank my Higher Power and the support of my group for having put all those 24-hour periods together. It’s been far from an easy road, yet I am gaining the faith and confidence to move forward a Day at a Time.

Affirmation I know change is possible, and sooner or later I will be able to look back and see how far I have come by working my program.

June 27

”You get nowhere with theories. Try to be simple and always take the next step…So climb down from the mountain…and follow your nose. This is your way and the straightest.” Carl Jung

It’s a great aide for me to go to meetings, to read all the literature I can get my hands on, and to be open to listening to the experience, strength and hope shared by others. But the only way for me to change is to start applying those tools and principles in my life. The theory is terrific but will not have any effect unless I transform it into action. I recall being very enthusiastic and reading and absorbing everything I could when I first discovered the fellowship. I soon became saturated with knowledge, yet found myself still discouraged, still floundering in middle and inner circle behaviour. It took a little while to realize that having all this knowledge wasn’t enough, I actually had to do something with it and put it into practice. These days I am living my program. I have several tools that I have found work well in my life and I make use of them on a regular basis. I am still reading literature and garnishing information from others, but my focus is more on how I can use that knowledge to reinforce my own program or add in a new tool. I know my actions speak louder than words in showing others how my life is changing.

Affirmation Today I commit to living in recovery and showing my new way of being through my actions.

June 25

”There is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way.” Buddha

There is a lot to be said for the power of attitude. How I react to any given situation varies greatly depending on the state I am in and how I choose to face it. The more positive my own outlook and my approach to dealing with an event, the more likely there will be an outcome that I can accept. Yet if I am in a bad mood and decide to unwilling face what is happening, things are more likely to turn out in a way that I will not be happy about. Discovering that I have the power to choose how I am at any given time has been a huge boon to living a happier life. I don’t simply get this ability once a day, but each moment of the day where I choose how I am going to be. Living and working the program has freed me of much of the burden of my addiction that I now have the energy and enthusiasm to approach life with more optimism. For me today, as it has been for some months, recovery is not simply something I do because I am an addict. My program is becoming my new way of living because I quite enjoy the serenity and awareness that I have gained in my sobriety. Recovery is now my way, and recovery brings happiness.

Affirmation My attitude today will influence the outcome of many situations. I will try to remain positive and this will help me find the best results possible.

June 15

”Failure is the path of least persistence.” Anonymous

My recovery is not going to come for free. As much effort as I put into my addiction will be required to correct my behaviour and work my program. The 12 Steps are teaching me a new set of principles so that I will live my life in a more balanced fashion. The road forward will not be easy, has not been so far, but persistence and progress will get me there. The other thing I am accepting is that having used my addiction to cope with life was not entirely a failure. It was the best mechanism I knew at the time to get by. It does not excuse the way I treated others, or myself, but my addiction did serve a purpose in getting me to today. Now that I am more aware of better ways to cope though, I am accountable to myself and my Higher Power to live a different life. Living One Day at a Time in recovery has given me the freedom to leave yesterday behind me and allows me not to worry about what tomorrow will bring. Focusing on the here and now helps make it easier to have the strength, courage and patience to go through each 24-hour period. I know I can lean on the support of the God of my understanding as well as my fellow members.

Affirmation I will remain focused on today and what I need to do to face the hours before me while staying in recovery.