January 19

”Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.” George Bernard Shaw

Much of my life has been dominated by me fears. And it is those fears which have held me back, which have been obstacles to allow me to take certain risks in my life. I am afraid of being rejected, of those unwilling to accept me as I am. I am afraid of not being loved or worthy of love. I am afraid of being abandoned, left alone with no one to keep dear and near to my heart. These fears lock me into the present. They bind me to what is comfortable, make me less willing to try something new, to truly listen to my intuition and follow my dreams. These things I am afraid of keep me from striving to reach my full potential. Yet recovery is showing me I am worthy of all that I hope and dream of. It is teaching me that my Higher Powers will is to have all this and more. I am not alone. I am not worthless. I am loved, capable, talented, and beautiful. I can overcome and I will succeed.

Affirmation I will face my fears to make way for the new choices I want to make to start making my own trail in life.

October 31

”Affliction is often that thing which prepares an ordinary person for some sort of an extraordinary destiny.” CS Lewis

I am learning a good deal about the hero’s journey, a common theme in literature where someone “normal” is pushed into a great adventure, usually after suffering a tragic loss of some kind. I do agree with Mr. Lewis that affliction is often a catalyst for change, for an undertaking of significant magnitude that often escapes someone at the start of the journey. My path into recovery is certainly a very personal example that only arose from tragedy. Along this path I have had tasks to face to confront my fears, acknowledge my weakness and to solidify my strengths. I have met wise advisors, and enemies along the way who have attempted to thwart my progress. Through it all, however, I have had to make many hard choices to continue following the right path. I know I am not yet at the end of this adventure, nor am I certain what the goal or treasure I seek to attain may be when I reach the destination. I do, however, have faith that there is a greater purpose for the road I am following and that the reward is worth the strife I face along the way.

Affirmation I recognize pain and suffering as teachers, as motivation for change and movement to a new and better direction of my life.

October 26

”Just because someone has a lot to teach us doesn't mean we like them.  People who have the most to teach us are often the ones who reflect back to us the limits to our own capacity to love, those who consciously or unconsciously challenge our fearful positions.  They show us our walls.” Marianne Williamson

I’d actually go a step further, and suggest that the people who have the most to teach me are the ones I like the least. This is mostly due to the fact that they see through me defenses and persist in challenging me to confront myself and my real issues. They are not willing to put up with my BS, they are genuinely interested in helping me get better Maybe I am being a bit too hard on these folks. It’s true in the beginning that I dislike them, but as I face my fears, confront the challenges, and allow myself to hear and respond to their criticism, I have learned to appreciate and respect them. I have certainly needed tough love like this to make it through various stages of my life, and certainly my recovery. The walls of my defenses were built to protect me when I didn’t know how to handle life differently. Now that I am learning new methods of coping with the stresses of life, the pain of emotional conflict, and my addiction, the walls are coming down, brick by brick.

Affirmation I am grateful for those people who are willing to tell me like it is and push me to confront my problems. Recovery is tough, and tough love is required.