March 17

”Some men see things as they are and ask why. Others dream things that never were and ask why not.” George Bernard Shaw

I remember seeing this quote around the time I started my first “real” job after university. I recall thinking that I was going to enter a workplace with a rigid structure, with set principles and practices, but that I wasn’t going to let them “break me.” By that I meant that the environment and rules wouldn’t stop me from challenging the status quo, or from looking at new or better ways to do things. After more than a decade, I think I have still managed to keep the attitude, with maybe a little more tamed enthusiasm after coming to terms with the corporate mentality and reality that change tends to be slow. I have still had and taken the opportunities I have been able to be an agent of change and to push for things to be different. It still grates me to here “you’ll do it this way because that’s the way it’s always been done.” I am grateful that this attitude also translates into my personal life, and my recovery. It is a driver for me to continue looking for ways to improve my program, to expand my horizons beyond what might be considered the “traditional” route. I firmly believe that there are many sources that can support my new ways of living, and that the 12 Steps can be worked into pretty well every aspect of my life.

Affirmation Challenging things is a good use of my intuition and talents. Today I will not afraid to ask the question “Why not?”

January 4

”Some men have thousands of reasons why they cannot do what they want to, when all they need is one reason why they can.” Willis Whitney

Living in recovery gives me the liberty to take new risks. Whereas in the past risk-taking was only related to seeking sexual satisfaction, nowadays it is related to seeking out my dreams and desires – for a new job, a new place to live, new friendships – all healthy aspirations. However my challenge is to overcome my addict’s built-in self-defence mechanism of making excuses. This was how I tricked myself into believing I didn’t deserve anything better, of how unworthy I was, etc. This self-belittlement kept me weak, guilty and ashamed – a perfect candidate to continue acting out to try and feel better and to escape the pain. Turning all this around has been simpler than I thought. The barrier to my aspirations in most cases has been paper thin, a single step of courage has often proved all that was necessary to break free of the lies of my addict that were keeping me prisoner. Life has so much more variety and I can ask my Higher Power for the strength and courage to take those risks to move in a different direction. One reason, one supporting comment from a friend, can propel me a great distance along the healthy path of recovery and self-discovery.

Affirmation My fears often have more power than they deserve, and only serve to keep me a slave to my addiction. An act of courage can push them aside and give me freedom to realize my real dreams.

June 1

”You don’t get to choose how you’re going to die. Or when. You can only decide how you’re going to live. Now.” Joan Baez

One message from the AA Big Book that still resonates with me is that “half measures availed us nothing.” I remember well that decision point in my early recovery where my resolve was tested. I came to the moment where I had to choose to stop walking on both sides of the fence, trying to hold onto a reserve of my old ways. Making that step and “going for broke” has made the difference in my recovery. It was a big risk, it was scary, yet I have not regretted that decision in the least. The same idea has applied to other areas of my life. It applies to how I view relationships, how connected I am in my work or any number of other things that I do. If I truly want to be open, honest and willing I have to put all my chips in and let the cards fall where they may. When I hold even a little something back and don’t give 100% of my time and energy then I let myself down. The places where I choose to spend my time and energy are important – so I need to treat them that way. If I cannot give my all then maybe I need to rethink just were the activity or relationship fits in my life. The things that truly matter and are meant to be a part of my recovery are worth putting all my effort into.

Affirmation Am I in or am I out? Today I will put everything in to what I do, I deserve to give my best to what is important in my life.