October 8

”He who closes his ears to the views of others shows little confidence in the integrity of his own views.” William Congreve

Recovery has taught me that I need to ask for help and that I can benefit by listening to the opinions and advice of others. These are not things that come naturally to me. I grew up being very independent, always taking care of myself, only really ever relying on myself. Somewhere along the way I bought into the idea that asking for help meant I was weak or less than. Life was my own struggle and I had to figure out how to get there by myself. Some of that faulty belief system also trickled into the thought that I was always right, or had to be right. I can see now how for many years I was pretty close-minded. I also see how that attitude was a cover for the fact that I was not all that confident in my own beliefs. Dazzle them with intellect or baffle them with BS as the saying goes. Hmm, just more uncovering of the parts of my former personality. My addiction had a far reaching impact on all aspects of my life. It manipulated lessons taught in life, promoting those that would serve its own purpose, like believing I had to go it alone. Recovery has helped me rediscovery the power of fellowship and community. These are both great gifts that have been a boon to my efforts in turning the page and starting down the better road. There is strength in numbers, and I benefit from the experience, strength and hope of all I meet.

Affirmation

Challenging my childhood beliefs is a necessary step in weeding out those which are false and no longer serve to guide me as an adult.

November 13

”When you listen to somebody else, whether you like it or not, what they say becomes part of you.” David Bohm

It’s actually a relief to feel like I am a product of other people and that my interactions with others have helped me to become the person that I am today. If I look back over my years in my addiction, I wanted nothing to do with anyone else unless it was supporting my bad habits in some way. I was really only a product of my selfish desire at that point, and I certainly was not interested in taking on bits of other people. And I am quite certain that I wasn’t doing a whole lot of listening either. Life today is more wholesome. I realize that there are many aspects to who I am as an individual. I know that there are many people, places and things that influence who I am and that can alter my course, positively or negatively. I also know that I don’t have all the answers. Never did, and likely never will. So reaching out for help was a big step. Admitting that I couldn’t do it all on my own and that I needed, heck even wanted, someone else to get me through this was significant. Like the third step, this was mostly about willingness. Being humble enough to realize that without others supporting me, I was not going to change and stay on the right path. Thankfully I have been able to stick with this decision, and know that I have gained a great deal from all those I have met along the way.

Affirmation I am unique, not just simply because of how I was created, but also because of all my experiences and connections with all the people who have crossed my path.

September 13

”That which is worth doing is worth doing well.” Nicolas Poussin

Perfectionism has long been both one of my character defects and strengths. It is a strength in pushing myself to do my best. But in most cases it is a defect because it leads to the belief that only mine works and it prevents me from seeking advice or help. As I recognize this art of me coming into play I have to stop and question myself. How far do I need to go to have a workable solution that is “good enough?” Who can I ask or where can I turn for help? What purpose does this serve beyond my own satisfaction for a job well done? What am I sacrificing for the perfect answer? Looking to my Higher Power to help me let go of my defect and seeking His guidance to find a positive replacement will help me grow in many aspects of my life. Sometimes I lose sight of the goal while trying to nail down every detail or ignore valuable advice that can save me time and effort. I don’t have to do it all on my own or think my works is any less valuable because I had help. It is not that I need to settle for doing less than my best. On the contrary it is about doing my best without sacrificing time, energy and effort that I can use better on something else. When the task at hand is complete, maybe not perfectly, but certainly well enough, I can move on. Succumbing to my perfection prevents me from completing things and from moving forward.

Affirmation My best can be given without achieving perfection. I need to find balance to keep succeeding in many things.

July 31

”Defeat never comes to any man until he admits it.” Josephus Daniels

I do believe that as long as I hold onto hope that anything I want still remains a possibility. I just need to be careful that my wants and desires are aligned with my authentic self and reflect the will of my Higher Power. Therefore I can only give in to defeat when I lose faith, give up hope and stop trusting in the guidance of the God of my understanding. There is an opposite view – I will never start to receive help and guidance from my Higher Power until I admit that I need it and ask for it. This is the foundation of the 12 Steps, and more particularly the first three. As one member summarizes them; I have a problem, there is help, and I need to ask for it. Until I was ready to admit I had a problem there was no way anyone could have convinced me that I needed help. Nor was any aid that was offered to me attractive. The decision had to come from within first. What I can appreciate about choosing not to be defeated and choosing to be in recovery is that they are both healthy demonstrations of my willpower. Again, as a fellow member has shared, we don’t have won’t power in terms of our addictive behaviour,; once we start down the path our addiction generally wins the battle. But we do have willpower to do something else and that is the power of the program.

Affirmation I can have hope, I can choose my recovery and I can exercise my willpower to do things to support my program.