October 8

”He who closes his ears to the views of others shows little confidence in the integrity of his own views.” William Congreve

Recovery has taught me that I need to ask for help and that I can benefit by listening to the opinions and advice of others. These are not things that come naturally to me. I grew up being very independent, always taking care of myself, only really ever relying on myself. Somewhere along the way I bought into the idea that asking for help meant I was weak or less than. Life was my own struggle and I had to figure out how to get there by myself. Some of that faulty belief system also trickled into the thought that I was always right, or had to be right. I can see now how for many years I was pretty close-minded. I also see how that attitude was a cover for the fact that I was not all that confident in my own beliefs. Dazzle them with intellect or baffle them with BS as the saying goes. Hmm, just more uncovering of the parts of my former personality. My addiction had a far reaching impact on all aspects of my life. It manipulated lessons taught in life, promoting those that would serve its own purpose, like believing I had to go it alone. Recovery has helped me rediscovery the power of fellowship and community. These are both great gifts that have been a boon to my efforts in turning the page and starting down the better road. There is strength in numbers, and I benefit from the experience, strength and hope of all I meet.

Affirmation

Challenging my childhood beliefs is a necessary step in weeding out those which are false and no longer serve to guide me as an adult.

August 25

”Wanting something is not enough. You must hunger for it. Your motivation must be absolutely compelling in order to overcome the obstacles that will invariably come your way.” Les Brown

Part of my self-discovery in my recovery work has been to look at some of the beliefs that I have carried with me from childhood. One area has been to investigate all the things I have learned from the fairy tales of my youth. In doing so, there are many simple truths that simply aren’t true. Happily ever after, well it may exist, but it doesn’t just fall into anyone’s lap. Love at first sight, well experience would say lust, and then reality eventually comes back into the picture. This internal work continues to show me, time and time again, that most of the things that are worthwhile in my life will only remain that way as long as I continue to choose to make them a priority. I will continue to be in love because I make the choice, each and every day, to love the partner I am with. As a result I will dedicate time and energy to nurture that relationship. Choosing to be a good father/coworker/friend falls into the same pattern. The simple truth of the matter is that it is where I put my time and energy that counts. This is where my willpower comes into play. I do have the capacity to choose to focus on these positive aspects. I do have the ability to turn my will over to my Higher Power, and ask for help to keep them a priority. In committing to recovery, in seeking to learn how to be a better me, I have little choice but to move away from my old behaviours that held me back. The motivation is within me, and always has been.

Affirmation

It’s not enough for me to say I want something. I need to make the effort to incorporate what I want into my life in order to realize my goals.

March 6

”The harder you fight to hold on to specific assumptions, the more likely there's gold in letting go of them.” John Seely Brown

I beginning to understand that many of my decisions and paths in my life have stemmed from false beliefs learned in childhood. Things like kids should be seen and not heard. That boys don’t cry or show emotion. That yelling is acceptable when someone doesn’t listen. There are many things I am beginning to realize had more of an impact on my life than I suspected. In analyzing my past I can see patterns emerging that make it evident why my life went the way it did. I was programmed to react in these ways without my knowledge. It’s a matter of me being a product of my environment, and having learned the lessons I did, good or bad, from my parents and others who influence me at a young age. So the next step after identifying these incorrect assumptions that I have lived by is to replace them with proper ones. So kids have the right to be heard and I teach my own children this rule. Boys can cry and have emotions, and therefore so can I as an adult. Yelling at someone who doesn’t listen does not encourage them to be more attentive but the opposite. Keeping my calm is much more effective. This is the work of the 7th Step, letting go of my defects of character. And it is teaching me a better way to live.

Affirmation In recognizing those parts of me that are built on an improper understanding, I can choose to replace them with better ideals and improve my own character.