December 17

” When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” Lao Tzu

Steps 3 and 6 are about letting go. Step 3 is about letting go of our own will, and becoming open to the will of a Higher Power to guide us to sanity. It’s a turning point for many where we admit, where I admitted, that there had to be a different way to live. It was at that point where I had to trust in something outside myself to lead me down a healthier road, even if I didn’t fully understand what exactly I was putting my faith in at the time. I only knew that I was no longer able to rely on my own broken thinking to get me there. By Step 6 I was ready to start the process of being re-made. This is where I again chose to be willing for change, to allow for my defects of character, my tried and true ways of dealing with life, to be removed. Looking back it reminds me of the work I did to restore my first car, the stripping and sanding of all the body work to get it prepared for restoration. Working Step 6 is a preparation to remove things that no longer work to support a healthy way of living, in order to have the capacity to accept something new and better in its place. It is acknowledging that we are broken, but having faith that letting go will propel us forward. Both these steps were critical on my path of recovery to help me experience true transformation. It was the shedding of my protective coverings, my old habits, my behaviours that had out-lived their purpose. My Higher Power has been true to His nature, replacing those weather-worn practices with ways that have indeed improved my quality of living, my serenity, and ultimately my sanity.

Affirmation

Letting go is a difficult, but necessary, part of my transformation on my journey of recovery. The pain is worth the reward.

August 7

”Let your hopes, not your hurts, shape your future.” Robert H. Schuller

They say that distance makes the heart grow fonder. Well, there are also cases where the opposite is true. Sometimes distance is a welcome visitor to help detach from people who have been poisonous in my life. And yet, even with the distance, small amounts of contact with those people from my past can bring those old wounds to the surface. It’s in these moments that I need to be able to turn to my hopes, to reflect on all the progress and change that I have made. I could all t0o easily fall back into reflecting on my regrets and pain of the past. This serves me no useful purpose; it will only depress me and take me away from the present moment. I am worth so much more now and I owe it to myself and the good people in my life to stay positive and to concentrate on all the great things I have. My hurts are there to fuel my transformation into the better person I have become. They can also shape my future, but my hopes are better suited to shape my goals and dreams. I have many things to be grateful for in my recovery and I look to find more each and every day. Life has become something to look forward to, and I am better able to move past the small hurts and reminders that threaten to disrupt my serenity. I am a bigger person than those petty arguments and spiteful words that can be thrown my way. I will stay on the good path.

Affirmation

Life can bring troubles yet I can decide to look past them and focus on the good things in my life. I have the power to choose to stay focused and positive.

July 23

”Those who are lifting the world upward and onward are those who encourage more than criticize.” Elizabeth Harrison

Part of my transformation has involved re-evaluating the people who I have stayed close to since finding recovery. It helps to be with good people, those who are positive, who are making progress in their own lives, and who walk the talk. This applies to my “normal” life as much as it does to my recovery life. The more supportive my network of people, the better I set myself up for success. This also means I need to take a hard look at myself. How well am I doing at being gentle with myself?  Or am I putting myself down for my mistakes, past or present? Am I focusing on the negative? Or am I actively seeking to build myself up with my thoughts and self-talk? How am I with others? Am I quick to criticize? Or I am quicker to encourage? Many of the answers to these questions are within my ability to influence. I can choose who I hang around. I can decide the attitude I carry with me I can choose how I see the reflection that stares back at me in the mirror. These are all pieces of being in recovery, of uncovering the better person that lies within. It is about actively participating in the changes that I want to see in the world by starting with me, myself, and I.

Affirmation

I will do my part in making the world a better place today by being a better person, and portraying the qualities that I wish to see.

July 21

”Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment.” Jim Rohn

Working my program is, in large part, about discipline. One of the things that I lacked, was a healthy sense of discipline, during my active acting out. All too often my life was controlled by whims and desires, seeking instant gratification whenever and wherever the urge arose. There was little that resembled any self-restraint. My life was more a mix of periods of quiet interspersed with periods of chaos. Therefore one of the tasks in my early recovery was to re-establish a routine, with healthy checks and balances and early warning devices to help keep me on track. It was about taking the steps and my outer circle activities and incorporating them into my life. In order to change my problematic lifestyle, I needed to find better ways to cope with the daily challenges I faced. This was about creating new and better habits to change who I was fundamentally. If I look back now, really this was about going through the junk drawer of habits and behaviours and throwing out the ones that I had been holding onto for too long, but that were expired and not very useful. I had to do that clean-up work in order to make room for the new and improved ways of handling life events. This is all part of the process, and it can be difficult to work through, because all those old ways are comfortable and known, they come with no surprises. But the recognition that they are destructive rather than helpful assisted in my willingness to let them go.

Affirmation

Establishing discipline in my new behaviours is the foundation for allowing me to work towards new goals.

July 19

”Take chances, make mistakes. That’s how you grow. Pain nourishes courage. You have to fall in order to practice being brave.” Mary Tyler Moore

Not much in life is achieved without trying. Trying to do something new means opening myself to the risk of failure. With failure comes rejection, disappointment, pain and even shame. But I also recognize that these negatives are, and should, become the fuel for change, perseverance and another try. Taking chances is a requirement for growth. I like the line from the movie “We Bought A Zoo” that sometimes all it takes in life is 20 seconds of insane courage to experience something wonderful. Getting up the nerve to confront my fears, to be momentarily brave, is usually worth more in the long term than the worry of pain or embarrassment or whatever was holding me back in the first place. Like Nike’s famous slogan, sometimes I have to just “Do It.” Pain and suffering are teachers. I like to think, at least most of the time, that the more I have suffered, the more that there is growth and a better path that awaits me as I learn from my past mistakes. This is simply part of the process as I transform into the new and improved me, scars and all.

Affirmation

I will look at those things that are bothering me today, not as something to worry about, but as a source to move in a better, brighter, saner direction. I am worth it!

September 5

”If you cannot find peace within yourself, you will never find it elsewhere.” Marvin Gaye

My addiction only ever had one goal in mind – escape. To run, hide, avoid or ignore the pain, stress, emotion or whatever negative or seemingly overwhelming situation was before me. The more my addiction took over, the more things I feared and needed to escape from, the more lies and excuses I had  to manufacture to rationalize and justify my behaviour to “normalize” it and make it acceptable for myself.  Taking away this toxic coping mechanism from my life as I discover and use the tools of recovery leads me in a new direction. I am learning to like the person I see in the mirror, to know and feel that I act with more integrity, that I am honest and genuine with myself and others. In short, my life is moving from chaos to serenity. Although many outside factors have assisted and influenced my recovery, the transformation has come from within. My addiction promised happiness, content, joy, pleasure and even peace through many external things. Yet it has been in my recovery, in learning to love, care and nurture myself, that I am finding the peace within me…and it’s a peace that no one can take away from me.

Affirmation I need to work on me from the inside out, to bring forth my qualities that will reflect the authentic person I am becoming.