August 2

”It is not your job to make anyone happy.  It is your job to be happy.  Then you're in the perfect position to uplift everyone you meet.” Alan Cohen

The more I find out about myself, about how I should be living, the more I discover that there is a lot of work involved. I need to be happy. I’m the one who needs to adjust their attitude. I have to lead my heart. I need to work my program. Me me me! Ok, so maybe it’s not as bad as it sounds. Truthfully, I got into the many of the messes I did because I was not responsible enough for myself. I was trying to simply coast through life, leaving the worries and pressures to others or simply just running away. It was far from a mature way of living. Life in recovery is a choice. Well, it’s actually a multitude of choices. And those choices are about being sane and sober, about being a better parent/partner/son/etc., and ultimately about being a better human being. So it is my job to be happy. It’s my job to lead my heart and to choose to love. It’s my job to turn the other cheek and to forgive. It’s my job to work my program and to live and breathe the Steps. It’s my job to have a positive attitude and outlook. These are the things I have committed to in becoming a better me. These are a part of my resolution to share who I am, my experience, strength and hope, with the world.

Affirmation

If I don’t take the step to make a change, to be positive, to be happy, it’s not likely that someone else is going to take it for me. I have to be the one to take charge and make life be a good experience.

July 31

”Whenever you're in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.” William James

My attitude can be the defining factor between a disagreement and an argument. A lot depends on the position I take, how willing I am to be listen and receive someone else’s viewpoint. These are all things within my control, and sometimes that simply reminder of the Serenity Prayer can give me the precious moments to pause in a situation and prevent me from making things worse. That’s not always the case. There are still times when I am caught off guard, where I am vulnerable because I am tired or not in the best mood to begin with, or I simply don’t have the right attitude to be loving. This brings me to an interesting point. There are moments when I need to choose to love, where my actions have to lead my heart. It’s not something that always comes naturally, not the first instinctive reaction to a situation. Yet loving another person is always a choice available for me to make. My parents don’t tell me advice to harm me, but because they love me and still want to protect me, even as an adult. My kids don’t disobey to hurt me, but because sometimes they just don’t think about the consequences. My partner doesn’t nag or criticize to belittle me, but because she cares and only wants me to be at my best. I need to remember that others are usually acting out of love towards me to, and often all I need to do is receive their offering. This is an adjustment to my own attitude that I can practice today.

Affirmation

Conflicts may arise today, but I will practice patience and understanding to see where the other person is coming from  and look to respond with love.

July 23

”Those who are lifting the world upward and onward are those who encourage more than criticize.” Elizabeth Harrison

Part of my transformation has involved re-evaluating the people who I have stayed close to since finding recovery. It helps to be with good people, those who are positive, who are making progress in their own lives, and who walk the talk. This applies to my “normal” life as much as it does to my recovery life. The more supportive my network of people, the better I set myself up for success. This also means I need to take a hard look at myself. How well am I doing at being gentle with myself?  Or am I putting myself down for my mistakes, past or present? Am I focusing on the negative? Or am I actively seeking to build myself up with my thoughts and self-talk? How am I with others? Am I quick to criticize? Or I am quicker to encourage? Many of the answers to these questions are within my ability to influence. I can choose who I hang around. I can decide the attitude I carry with me I can choose how I see the reflection that stares back at me in the mirror. These are all pieces of being in recovery, of uncovering the better person that lies within. It is about actively participating in the changes that I want to see in the world by starting with me, myself, and I.

Affirmation

I will do my part in making the world a better place today by being a better person, and portraying the qualities that I wish to see.

May 12

”Celebrate what you want to see more of.” Thomas J. Peters

Don’t touch this. You shouldn’t do that. Stay away from there. You’ll be sorry if you… I guess it shouldn’t come as much of a surprise that many of the lessons I learned came from things I shouldn’t do, the ways I shouldn’t behave or act, the things that I shouldn’t feel or acknowledge. All that negative reinforcement created my own negative attitudes and behaviours right alongside. If I think of an example of celebration, the best that comes to mind is that of the prodigal son. A son who asks for his share of the family estate, runs off and squanders it away, and waking in the mud next to the pigs, decides to go back home to work as a servant. Instead he is treated like royalty, thrown a lavish party, and no one (other than a jealous brother) questions his actions. His father celebrated the fact his son had returned to him, far outweighing any of the negative parts that could have been mentioned. I’m not as able as the prodigal son’s father. I still favour criticism for things to be improved rather than praise for what was done well. I certainly don’t give enough applause and laud the efforts of others, or even my own children, as perhaps I should. Yet knowing this is an area that is lacking allows me to make it a higher priority, and to work at improving it. Any additional effort is better than what I am doing know and can only make my life, and those around me, more pleasant. And that is cause for celebration.

Affirmation

I will strive to look at the positive today and to be slower to criticize others and myself. Acknowledging all the small success is a better goal than highlighting weaknesses.

April 18

”I don't wait for moods. You accomplish nothing if you do that. Your mind must know it has to get down to work.” Pearl S. Buck

Ah, procrastination in disguise. I don’t feel like doing such and such. Oh, I will wait until I am in a better mood. I’m too {insert mood} to do that now. Now here’s a middle circle behaviour that I need to be cautious of letting take too much control. I am realizing there are a number of dangers in putting things off. First, it wastes time. For any given thing that I procrastinate, I probably spend 2-3 times more time and energy rationalizing and justifying why I shouldn’t do it right now than it would take me to just get through it. Second, the more I put something aside, the less important it feels and the less inclined I am to do the next time I remember that it needs to be done. Lastly, it affects my attitude in a negative way about other things I need to do, it becomes a trend to “do it tomorrow” when tomorrow never comes. I know I have a pile of round tuits – somewhere. Work is work, and there usually no getting around it. To get something done, I am going to have to spend the time and put the effort into it, whether or not I like it. So isn’t it so much better for me to grin and bear it, or force myself to like doing it (even a little)? The reward could simply be to have more time to do something that I will enjoy. That’s a pretty good reason to tell the truth.

Affirmation

My mood, like my attitude, can be an obstacle to progress. I will reflect on where my mood is as I navigate through today.

April 14

”Attractiveness will get you noticed, intelligence will gain you recognition but being unforgettable is based on your attitude.” Calvert Jones

I think I would like to leave behind a legacy of being unforgettable. I do believe that there is a purpose for my life, for the years I will be offered as a gift, and I hope that I make the right decisions to reach that achievement. I am confident that I have or will be provided with everything that I will need to realize that goal given to me by my Higher Power. I am not interested in being attractive or catching the attention of others. I have always believed that there was more to know about a person than simply their appearance. I don’t hold much weight for my own, not to the point of being vain, but I do enough to take care of myself. I struggle with recognition for my intelligence, my ability, my talent. I often question what right I have to share my thoughts, ideas, etc. with others. This is gradually changing, not because I am being received differently by others, but as my attitude changes. I am seeing that what I have to share is part of my path of following the will of the God of my understanding. Attitude can certainly make all the difference.

Affirmation

Life is very different depending on how I decide to approach it. Today let me face it head on, and welcome everything that comes my way.

April 2

”Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence.” Aristotle

There are different forms of happiness. Having spent many years living for the temporary ones, those rewards of my acts of instant gratification, learning about true happiness has been good for me. It’s welcoming to find long-term happiness in things that are more real and meaningful. From true relationships with good intimacy, to time with friends & family, enjoying the simplicity and wonder of nature – all these are better ways to be content. The biggest challenge of all has come from within. Being able to look at myself in the mirror and to be able to accept and love the person staring back is a miracle. Knowing that it is inside me where my happiness starts, when I am truly okay with who I am, has been an important lesson. It’s a decision to be happy. I can choose to be miserable, to look only at the negative things which are happening around me. This is pretty easy to do. Or I can go in a different direction and look at al the good stuff that is happening, starting with my work on my new life. Being sober is definitely something worth smiling about!

Affirmation

Today I will concentrate on being happy, and look on the brighter side of life. Smile on, feet forward, let’s have a blast!

February 11

”When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” Victor Frankl

I find this a different perspective on the Serenity Prayer. So what I find myself in circumstances beyond my control, what am I left with? Me. I can always choose to change myself. Once again, here I discover some great words of wisdom to guide me. So here is yet another reminder to stop being a victim of my surroundings. Most of what happens around me is beyond my control or even my ability to influence. What I have a choice in is how I will decide to be, what attitude I will have, whether I will act or react, and how I choose to handle myself in given the situation life has presented to me. I do like the way the quote puts this, that “we are challenged to change ourselves.” I do think in most cases it is a challenge. I don’t usually welcome and openly embrace change. I’d rather go with the flow and keep things as they are. Change means work, a requirement to exert effort to make things different. It’s not comfortable and safe. But it’s what I need to continue to do in order to work my program and guard my serenity and sobriety.

Affirmation I accept the challenge of change. I accept that when it seems everything is against me, or there is nothing I can control, I always have the choice to change myself – my thoughts, attitude and actions.

January 29

”If you are not getting as much from life as you want to, then examine the state of your enthusiasm.” Norman Vincent Peale

Just as I have the choice each day to choose to be in recovery, I can also decide, or not, to be content with my life as it is presently. Realistically I have little control over where I am today. I cannot change the past that brought me to this morning, nor am I able to forgo the day and fast-forward into tomorrow. That leaves me the choice to accept my reality as it is, or avoid the truth and only see what I wish to see. My attitude is the determining factor as to whether I can be enthusiastic about the current state of my life, or if I will be miserable and discontent. Choosing the level of enthusiasm will not change where I am, my job, my friends, my finances, where I live – none of these will be different if I decide to be ecstatic about what has been provided for me. What will change is how I feel about myself, how I approach situations and certainly the day's challenges. Life happens, and will continue on whether I am happy, upset, frustrated, joyful or ignorant of what is taking place. Given this, isn’t in my best interest to be excited to be alive, to relish each and every breath, and to be thankful for all the wonders I am given the privilege of experiencing each day?

Affirmation Life is how you take it, which in turn will influence how I face it. Let me put a smile on my face and some spring in my step and fill my heart with gladness.

January 20

”A professional is someone who can do his best work when he doesn’t feel like it.” Alistair Cooke

I am trying to maintain this professional attitude in terms of my recovery. There are days when I just don’t feel like doing the work for my program, to pick up and read my daily meditation, to reach out to my sponsor, to go to a meeting, to journal, pray or meditate. I need to force myself to get into my routine, and usually the pressure of the simple fact that going back to me addictive patterns is no longer an option. The cost is not worth it, I have too much to lose now. Being in recovery is like having another job. I need to be responsible and do those things that would make me a good employee. And, realistically, the amount of time and effort that I need to expend is a whole lot less than I used to work in my addiction in planning, scheming, in front of my computer, or whatever. Maybe not as pleasurable but certainly more healthy. And I can always change my attitude about what is pleasurable so that my recovery becomes something to enjoy rather than something to dread. It is my new way of life.

Affirmation My recovery will have a bigger reward dependant on the amount of effort and how seriously I work at it.

December 15

”I have always felt that the moment when you first wake up in the morning is the most beautiful of the twenty-four hours.” Monica Baldwin

An important part of my morning ritual is putting on my necklace with a cross pendant, which follows with a prayer of giving this day to my Higher Power. It is my acknowledgement of a clean slate, the anticipation of the potential that anything can and may just happen and a surrendering of my will. I can choose things to do to start my day off on the right foot, and that is certainly part of it. Other things that help are making sure that I have a good breakfast, take care of my personal hygiene, and pack a healthy lunch – basic stuff for physical self-care. My spiritual self-care needs to be there as well, so I try to read a daily meditation and reflect, even if it’s only for 5 minutes. I can find a couple minutes for prayer in the bathroom, during my commute to work, well almost anywhere. The importance is that I am taking steps to refresh my connection to my spiritual centre each and every day. Life can take turns for the good as fast as it seems to go downhill some days. I need to remain optimistic that tides will turn in my favour. Letting Go and Letting God means living for the fulfillment of His will and not my own.

Affirmation I need to take an active role in maintaining and developing my spiritual self-care, even if it’s only a little bit each day.

October 22

”Try to forget yourself in the service of others.  For when we think too much of ourselves and our own interests, we easily become despondent. But when we work for others, our efforts return to bless us.” Sidney Powell

Most of my focus in my active addiction was on me. Doing things for others was usually just a means to an end, a way to get obligations or people out of my way so that I could do what I really wanted to be doing. Although I may have done a good job, I didn’t usually care much about anything I did or put my heart into the task. My recovery has also been very focused on myself, but at a deeper, more internal level of reflection and introspection as I pull away the layers of deception and falsehood that I used to cover up my emotions. Much of my work had to be done alone, for only I can work on changing my behaviours and attitudes. My really big steps though have come from those times where I have given freely of myself to others. I have taken the role of treasurer for one of my groups, and also helped to establish and lead a step-study group. Not only has this encouraged my own recovery, it has supported the recovery of others. I learn more through the sharing of others that I do by relating my own experiences of strength, hope and courage. It truly is in giving that we receive.

Affirmation I know I am no longer alone in the world, in giving back to the community I shall reap rewards I never would have imagined.

September 6

”Decide what a beautiful day it’s going to be for you before checking the weather.” Mary Ellen Edmunds

Life is more how you take it than how it happens. There have been many days that I have missed opportunities of joy and happiness simply because I woke up on the wrong side of the bed and chose to stay there. My attitude colours what happens to me – if I am being negative that is all I will see even in the good things that come my way. It is pretty much a guarantee that each day I will have good and not so good things happen to me and around me. But it is my choice to see everything as either a blessing or a curse. In moving to a stronger connection with my Higher Power, I am starting to believe in a greater design of which my life is but a small, yet important part. I can’t always see the bigger picture, nor am I necessarily always meant to. I need to trust that the God of my understanding has plans for me that are good. I am not able to comprehend all that lies before me and need to learn to accept where I am and to be content with what I have. Being where I am with the promise of becoming better is a miracle in of itself.

Affirmation I will decide to have a good day, to walk beside my Higher Power and see the positive in all I experience.

September 2

”I have learned from experience that the greater part of happiness or misery depends on our own dispositions and not on our circumstances.” Martha Washington

One piece of advice that helps me on the days when I just don’t feel like being happy is to “fake it ‘til you make it.” Forcing a smile onto my face, saying “Hello” when I would rather say nothing and trying to put some spring in my step can go a long way to improving my disposition. My attitude really has a big impact on how my day unfolds, the choices I am more likely to make, and how much I feel I have accomplished. I don’t always want to pick up my daily meditation book. I don’t necessarily feel like journaling, calling a friend, or going to a meeting. Yet I need to keep pushing myself to do those outer circle things to continue integrating them into my new routine and making them part of the new me. I have been through more emotionally challenging situations since I began recovery than I ever faced while I was in active addiction. Yet my attitude, the tools and support I have gained have helped me to cope in new ways and to not step back into my former behaviours. It hasn’t always been obvious or easy but each tough situation has strengthened my resolve. I am learning that I no longer need to act out like I used to in order to cope with life.

Affirmation My circumstances are often beyond my control, but how I choose to face them, how I react or act are tied to my attitude. Let me be positive today.

July 21

”People begin to become successful the minute they decide to be.” Harvey Mackay

I am a firm believer that my attitude and approach to life is as important as what I certainly do. So far me I began to be successful in my recovery the moment I decided to be IN recovery. Today, and for some time, I allow myself no other option; being in recovery is where I need to be to maintain my serenity and sobriety. I choose each day to work my program; it has become the norm rather than the exception. In my early recovery I was not quite so committed and, looking back, it is apparent that some days I chose recovery while others I decided to follow my addiction. It took me a few months to realize that I could not stay partially in recovery and continue holding onto pieces of my addiction, just in case. Making the decision to be fully committed to working my program has made the biggest improvement in my recovery. It’s strange to look at my life and see how much it has changed. But the tools of my recovery – prayer, meditation, writing, reading, meetings, all these and more have become a natural part of my life. I owe my serenity, my capacity to cope with life in healthy ways, my reconnection to my feelings and my Higher Power; all this comes from making the 12 Steps a priority in my life.

Affirmation I can chooseto be in recovery today and work my program. All that is asked is to face the next 24 hours trusting in my Higher Power.

July 19

”All I would tell people is to hold onto what was individual about themselves, not to allow their ambition for success to cause them to try to imitate the success of others. You’ve got to find it on your own terms” Harrison Ford

I still remember my attitude when I first started working for a large organization –“I won’t let them break me, I will still be the same person, will challenge those who say things have always been this way so don’t change them, etc.” A decade later, I think I can honestly say that I still believe those fundamental statements, yet they have been tamed by the realities of how it is generally difficult to make changes through all the bureaucracy inherent in the system. Regardless, I can hold onto my individuality and within reason, voice my opinion when things don’t seem to make sense or appear to inhibit rather than promote an effective workplace. There is a bit of a parallel to my recovery in this. When I first opened the door to the idea that I was an addict, I very quickly found myself drowning in questions of whom the real me was versus the addict. But as I work through the program and the waters recede, I have been able to find bits and pieces of me that have been there all along, even if they were intentionally ignored or buried much of the time. My addictive behaviour didn’t so much remove my good qualities as it tried to deny my access to them, or to subvert them to less desirable ends. But I am finding my way through recovery as I rediscover myself.

Affirmation I know my recovery does not require me to recreate myself as much as I simply need to discover the good – the talents and abilities – which I already possess.

June 25

”There is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way.” Buddha

There is a lot to be said for the power of attitude. How I react to any given situation varies greatly depending on the state I am in and how I choose to face it. The more positive my own outlook and my approach to dealing with an event, the more likely there will be an outcome that I can accept. Yet if I am in a bad mood and decide to unwilling face what is happening, things are more likely to turn out in a way that I will not be happy about. Discovering that I have the power to choose how I am at any given time has been a huge boon to living a happier life. I don’t simply get this ability once a day, but each moment of the day where I choose how I am going to be. Living and working the program has freed me of much of the burden of my addiction that I now have the energy and enthusiasm to approach life with more optimism. For me today, as it has been for some months, recovery is not simply something I do because I am an addict. My program is becoming my new way of living because I quite enjoy the serenity and awareness that I have gained in my sobriety. Recovery is now my way, and recovery brings happiness.

Affirmation My attitude today will influence the outcome of many situations. I will try to remain positive and this will help me find the best results possible.