March 26

”We have always held to the hope, the belief, the conviction that there is a better life, a better world, beyond the horizon." Franklin D. Roosevelt

When I look back at the years spent in the depths of my addiction, I find it hard to find any worthwhile goals or accomplishments that my addict was striving for. Rather, that period was really on focused on pleasure for pleasure's sake, for feeding the insatiable desires of my addiction. Anything outside of that was merely there to support the ability to continuing acting out.      My horizons have opened now that I am in recovery. My program has granted me the clarity to see through the fog of addiction and realize that the world has so much more to offer. Even better, that there are many better ways for me to participate in this life and to use my skills and talents for the betterment of those around me.      As a child I grew up with the belief that my parents wanted a better life for me than they experienced themselves. And as a parent myself, I believe the same, and that I would like to leave the world a better place than I found it. Through my new-found awareness and sense of responsibility, I have hope that the future will indeed be brighter.

Affirmation

I can look to the future and the improvements that I hope and dream for, that my Higher Power has laid before me.

May 29

”Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” Hebrews 11:1

I have no idea what my Higher Power looks like. It would be quite a chore to try and describe it to someone else. Simply, it’s a power greater than me. It is a being or a force that governs the universe and that has infinite knowledge and power. Yet, however I define it, this is not the most important factor. The critical element is that I believe in this supernatural entity, that I have the faith in all the qualities and characteristics that I believe it encompasses. You can believe in Mother Nature, Buddha, science and technology, God (as you understand Him), love or even a pink and blue polka-dotted dragon named Sven if you wish. It doesn’t matter to me. As long as this is your Source of faith and trust that there is a greater order to life, that something else can hear your prayers and offer guidance, this to me defines a Higher Power that works. Some days it can be hard not to wish that I could pick up the phone and go for a coffee with my Higher Power. It would be nice to have concrete proof of His existence. But the times I feel like this are rare. I have seen too many “coincidences” in my life not to believe that something greater than me exists. I am certainly grateful for this belief as putting my trust in Him has helped me regain my serenity in recovery.

Affirmation

I trust in my Higher Power because I know seeking His will and letting go of what I cannot control lead me to a happier and healthier life.

December 25

”I am not young enough to know everything.” James Barrie

Christmas for me has always been about children, about seeing their wonder and amazement, their pure innocent joy and laughter. It is my time of the year to try and recapture that purity, that openness of just being in the moment, of believing in magic, of living with hope and without limit. I am no longer young enough to know everything, to be the centre of the universe, invincible and untouchable. My innocence has been jaded by experience, by a loss of the magic that anything can happen, that good always triumphs over evil, or that every cloud has a silver lining. Not necessarily an acceptance of pessimism, but of realism. Yet I still have those fantastical beliefs in me. I have hope in the power and goodness of humanity. I trust deeply in my Higher Power and my spiritual life. I believe in miracles. I believe in Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and all those others dreams that I have taught my own children. With God by my side, I know anything is possible. I can find a way to live through the child within me and keep those fantasies alive.

Affirmation My child within permits me to believe, love and live unconditionally, without prejudice or worry.

June 9

”The man who follows the crowd usually gets no further than the crowd. The man who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has ever been.” Alan Ashley-Pitt

It’s not easy to follow the path less travelled by…many people ask me why I am going the way I am, or simply don’t understand. It’s hard not to question why I am following the path that feels right by my own morals and values and by my Higher Power when so many people disagree. Yet I know deep down that I still believe in marriage after all the lies, hurt, infidelity and deceit. I have not lost hope; I still have the desire and the will to work to make it better. My life has changed and me along with it since I discovered the program. I am becoming a better person, better parent, and hope for the chance to show I am a better spouse. The person I was in the past is but a memory and I like the new me that greets me in the mirror each morning. The path I walk today is my own and has the goal of my living as my Higher Power intended. It is not about me doing whatever everyone else expects or can deal with. I have no regrets for the decisions I am taking because I truly feel that I am once again walking beside the God of my understanding rather than being carried.

Affirmation I will walk my own path today even if those around me are not in agreement. If it is the will of my Higher Power it will be alright.