June 9

”Every day is a new beginning. Treat it that way. Stay away from what might have been, and look at what can be.” Marsha Petrie Sue

I do believe that each day is a fresh start, a blank page waiting for my story to be written upon it. When I make a point of remembering this it makes each day a part of a ritual of renewal and rebirth, a chance to start anew and to see the limitless possibilities which lay before me. There’s the important part, when I remember. My downfall in this regard is simply routine. I am a creature of habit. I like to do the same things day in and day out. Trying to treat each morning like it’s the first day of the rest of my life is an attempt to break out of my mold, and to make every day a unique experience on purpose. This is not something that can be routine. It needs fresh, invigorating ideas and energy, a dash of naivety, and a bit of blind luck. As I heard someone say, it is my attitude, not my aptitude, which will help me achieve my altitude. My perception, where I put my focus for the day and how I lay the foundation in those first minutes after I awake, goes a long way in setting the stage for what will follow. I need to make a concentrated effort to be in the moment throughout the day, and not just caught up in the flow of what is happening around me. Taking the time to fully experience moments during the day keeps me grounded and connected to my Higher Power, and strengthens my reserve of serenity and clarity.

Affirmation

There are things I can to in starting my day which will make it easier to have a good one. I will take the time to pray, meditate, and find the energy to see all the wonderful potential that awaits.

June 6

”Whenever you're in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.” William James

I have to admit I’m a pretty typical male when it comes to communication. I tend to be able to focus on only one topic at a time, and I get lost easily if someone is “channel surfing” through the subjects. This means that my communications with women are not usually trivial. My mind simply does not work like theirs; everything is not connected to everything. I like it simple: one thing at a time, and when we’re done, and identify we’re done, and then I can shelve the box labelled Topic X and prepare myself to discuss Topic Y. This is evident in my relationship with my partner. My thoughts work best from my warehouse of individually labelled boxes, hers from the spaghetti-nest of interconnected wires. It’s the way we are, and not something either one of us can change. But the key here is awareness. Having a better understanding of how we think ourselves, and how each other processes information, can help us set up the environmental conditions for more productive talks. If she can decrease her multi-tasking, and I make sure that I am in conversation mode (and not pointedly focused on something else) it starts removing barriers that affect our communication. Most of our conflicts arise because we didn’t take time to prepare the scene for a talk, remove barriers and make sure it is the right time/place/etc. to have the discussion. Being more deliberate, especially when we have important matters to converse about, goes a long way to ensuring a successful discussion.

Affirmation

It’s important for me to set the stage before having certain conversations. Removing potential barriers can make things go much more smoothly.

June 5

”Communication. It's the first thing we really learn in life. Funny thing is, once we grow up, learn our words and really start talking, the harder it becomes to know what to say. Or how to ask for what we really need.” Meredith Grey

Having disclosed my addiction to those near and dear to me is a blessing, and sometimes a cursed blessing. It’s a blessing because I have finally let out the secrets and I know that as long as I have some things hidden, I will continue my poor behaviours and choices. It’s also a cursed blessing because, not only has my own awareness increased, but so has the awareness of those who know about my illness. And if they are good people who care about me, they don’t hesitate to point out when things don’t look or feel right. If I am being rigorously honest with myself, then I need to take a hard look at how others perceive me. I am still too quick to minimize or justify a situation, and sometimes, however unwanted it may be, others observations are what I need to take a deeper look at myself. There are still small seeds of guilt and shame that want to prevent me from telling others how I am really doing. My partner, in her infinite wisdom, is helping me to see that, even before I head into my middle circle, there is a gap that grows between us when I’m not working my program well enough. The longer I keep ignoring the problem, the bigger the gap is going to get, pushing me back towards isolation, which is a treacherous place for me. I am grateful for being surrounded by those who are not afraid to tell me how they see it. I can use all the help I need to stay on track.

Affirmation

God, let me be grateful today for those who have the courage to tell me when I am not being as honest with them as I need to be.

June 2

”Knowing when to fight is just as important as knowing how.” Terry Goodkind

In getting in touch with my feelings and working on living in the moment, there has also been an increase of conflict in my life. This is due, in part, to the fact that I don’t push things away or ignore them like I used to. I am still learning how to act and react I am still working on how to voice my opinion and express my emotions without ridiculing someone else, ignoring their feelings or starting an argument. In my growing awareness I have come to recognize some key elements that can dictate how well, or poorly, these situations unfold. If I am tired, busy doing something and interrupted, or already frustrated, I tend to react poorly. When I am in a calmer state and more receptive to discussion, or what I might perceive as criticisms, discussions tend to go more smoothly. These points are frequently highlighted at home. When something needs to be discussed between the adults, having the kids running around and needing our attention or being preoccupied with supper/homework/laundry/dishes/etc. creates an atmosphere which is not usually conducive to good communication. Trying to pick the best time and place can go a long way to a successful conversation and help avoid an unwanted confrontation. My partner and I are not looking to fight for the sake of fighting, but we are trying to create a good working team and happy home. Sometimes a little patience and restraint can go a long way to a more successful and functional family.

Affirmation

I will focus on learning how to discuss, converse and even argue better today. Making conscious decisions of the best time to engage people is a sign of growth.