January 12

”A mind troubled by doubt cannot focus on the course to victory.” Arthur Golden

Life is full of choices. One of the areas that was a struggle, and still is from time to time, is finding myself dwelling on the “what-ifs”. I can get stuck in a cycle of self-doubt, wondering about the past, present and future. None of this worry lends itself to me moving forward though. It only serves to keep me locked in my bubble. The Serenity Prayer serves as a constant reminder that I have to focus on those things within my control. After that, I have to work at being content to leave the rest to my Higher Power to be concerned about – my worries are not going to make things any better. Once I make choices, the only thing left is to accept the consequences, whatever they happen to be. Regret for the past leads me back into doubt and worry. At the end of the day, I can look back to see that I made the best decisions with what I had available to me at the time. I don’t have a crystal ball to know how things will always turn out. I do have a great deal of faith in the God of my understanding though, that if I continue to work to do His will, things will work out as they should.

Affirmation I will be conscious of when I find myself what-iffing and work to Let Go and Let God instead.

August 12

”Faith and doubt both are needed – not as antagonists, but working side by side – to take us around the unknown curve.” Lillian Smith

Faith in my Higher Power, in myself, in my support network – all these help me to push forward and to face new challenges. Yet on the same hand doubt can force me to keep hold of the reins, to not charge blindly ahead but to proceed with some caution and well-reasoned intent. In this aspect I quite agree that they work hand-in-hand to help me seek the unknown in a more controlled and deliberate fashion. Recklessness and chaos were characteristics of my addiction. Acting with no regard for the consequences, simply succumbing to the lure of the promised “high” at the end of the journey was all that mattered. No consideration was given for the aftermath. Nor was there any worry about those I may hurt along the way, including myself, to reach the goal of my obsession. My goals today have returned to have a valuable meaning. Just as important, if not more so, are all the steps that I must take to reach the summit. They now need to be steps of integrity, honesty, respect and responsibility, for no longer does the end justified by the means. I need to be my authentic, recovering self each step of the way.

Affirmation I am returning balance to my life and acting more in ways that are congruent with my values and ethics.

July 12

”The important thing is this: to be ready at any moment to sacrifice what you are for what you could become.” Charles Dickens

I often question which choices are fulfilling the will of my Higher Power voice those that are of my own design. I think my place where this is least clear is in dealing with my spouse. Having made many efforts to reconcile, reading scripture and working through self-help books to improve my knowledge of the role I should be taking thus far have had little impact as my partner has barely begun their own journey of recovery. It is easy for me to doubt what the future holds and trust that my Higher Power knows what is best for me in the long term. I know the hard choice, loving when no love is returned, forgiving when no pardoning comes back, hoping when all seems hopeless, is the way I should be going yet as a human being I have limits. It is hard not to give in to frustration and despair. In times like these I need to turn back to my program, my outer circle, and do what I can to take care of me. If I concentrate on life a day at a time I let go of worrying about what the future holds and keep myself more open to the will of the God of my understanding.

Affirmation My sacrifice for today will be to follow the path that is difficult, but likely the best one for me in the long run.