March 2

”Every winner has scars.” Robert N. C. Nix

Life events leave their traces on us. Some are good side effects that nourish and encourage us. Others are cuts, bruises, or worse that can diminish and hurt us. Some leave only superficial marks that wash away with a little bit of time. Others run deep and engrain themselves into a core part of our person. I can look at any or all of these and rationalize them to motivate me to be a better person, or on the contrary, to let them hold me prisoner, a victim of coincidence or fate. Life is what I am here to experience. If I want to live a fulfilling life, then I have to accept that it is a full contact sport. To be fully engaged means that I risk getting hurt along the way. I think those risks are worth taking. My time here is limited, and I want to experience as much of life as I can. I would like to have more good experiences than bad, but most of that is not there for me to decide. So I will look forward to all that fate has to offer as an opportunity, and leap at the chance to live 110%.

Affirmation In risking to live, I risk getting hurt. But not risking anything, is only existing. I choose life.

August 22

”When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I’ve never tried before.” Mae West

Hmm, does that ever sound like my addict. I can all too readily recall how I would get caught acting out in specific ways by my spouse, promise never to do behaviour X again (and truly mean it), then pick up behaviour Y which was usually worse and had more dire consequences. And so went those downward spirals where everything was darker, where more was needed to get the desired effect, and more risk was taken. Recovery is about making choices too. But now I can usually recognize the “evil” choice and instead go for the “live” choice, the healthy way to act that supports my growth and maturity in the program. I can see that the choices of my addiction negatively impact my serenity whereas outer circle and program-related activities stimulate me in positive directions. Life still means taking risks. I have more awareness of where my decisions, good or bad, can lead me after everything I have learned from others in the program. I can no longer claim to be naïve and ignorant of the consequences of my actions. I am responsible now for my recovery.

Affirmation Choosing recovery means choosing to be accountable. It’s not about perfection but about accepting the consequences of my decisions.