July 19

”All I would tell people is to hold onto what was individual about themselves, not to allow their ambition for success to cause them to try to imitate the success of others. You’ve got to find it on your own terms” Harrison Ford

I still remember my attitude when I first started working for a large organization –“I won’t let them break me, I will still be the same person, will challenge those who say things have always been this way so don’t change them, etc.” A decade later, I think I can honestly say that I still believe those fundamental statements, yet they have been tamed by the realities of how it is generally difficult to make changes through all the bureaucracy inherent in the system. Regardless, I can hold onto my individuality and within reason, voice my opinion when things don’t seem to make sense or appear to inhibit rather than promote an effective workplace. There is a bit of a parallel to my recovery in this. When I first opened the door to the idea that I was an addict, I very quickly found myself drowning in questions of whom the real me was versus the addict. But as I work through the program and the waters recede, I have been able to find bits and pieces of me that have been there all along, even if they were intentionally ignored or buried much of the time. My addictive behaviour didn’t so much remove my good qualities as it tried to deny my access to them, or to subvert them to less desirable ends. But I am finding my way through recovery as I rediscover myself.

Affirmation I know my recovery does not require me to recreate myself as much as I simply need to discover the good – the talents and abilities – which I already possess.