October 26

”When our hatred is too bitter it places us below those whom we hate.” Francois de la Rochefoucauld

One thing which has always bothered me, and still does, is when someone does not treat me with respect. It’s a trigger point for an angry outburst that is usually exaggerated based on the treatment (or mistreatment) that I have received. When I succumb to those outbursts though, I immediately sense that I have put myself lower than the person who has disappointed me. A recurring cause of regret and shame in my life for sure. Sometimes I manage to avoid lowering myself to the level of the person who is frustrating or antagonizing me. These are moments I can be proud of, the times when I stand my ground, keep my cool, and still continue to act out of respect for the other even if they don’t really deserve it. It’s about maintaining my standards in all situations, but also about treating others as I would like to be treated. Hatred, jealousy, bitterness or envy, these darker emotions can quickly take me to a place where I am no better, or worse than the people around me who bother me or get on my nerves. Some people will try to push my buttons, touch my sensitive areas to get me to react. But degrading my standards or disrespecting my own values is not something that will help me grow. I can all too easily spiral into a period of loathing which will turn me in towards myself and take me closer to my addiction. That is not a direction I wish to take, the cost of coming back is too great.

Affirmation

When I am mistreated it is okay to feel hurt, angry, or disrespected. But I believe that it is my Higher Power’s place to judge and punish others, not mine. Sometimes a taking deep breath and walking away is the best thing I can do for me.