November 8

”Suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.” Romans 5:3-4

My recovery has certainly been about building character. I have done a pretty good job at destroying a lot of the good things in my life. The best gift my addiction has given me has been the suffering, the depths of despair that have driven me to want to change my ways, to seek to have a better life. Having hit bottom has pushed me to preserve, to continue work at my recovery because I know what the alternative is. I fear going back into my addiction, in picking up where I left off, as I know that path leads to my eventual destruction. So this is now motivation for me to pursue the 12 Steps at all costs, because the price of failure is no longer acceptable. But my recovery is not based in fear, even if that is a motivating force. My recovery is based in hope, in the experience and strength that I see in other members at meetings, and even occasionally recognize in myself. I know my character is being rebuilt, and that my suffering and perseverance are propelling me into a closer relationship with my Higher Power.

Affirmation I accept that recovery will expose me to increased suffering, but that this is part of the cycle for me to grow stronger and closer to God.

November 4

”Instead of worrying about what people say of you, why not spend time trying to accomplish something they will admire.” Dale Carnegie

This certainly sounds like a challenge for an addict. Trying to do good works to make people forget about all the reprehensible acts of the past. This doesn’t even go into what others might think of me because of how poorly I have behaved or how much trust and respect has been broken. There is certainly some truth to this idea. I am a firm believer that I have been successful in my recovery by worrying less about the past than in focusing on what I can do differently today to make a better future. This means letting go of the judgments of others, worrying less about how others perceive me, and working in making me better, on strengthening the good parts of me that I know reflect who I really am. My addiction did a lot of damage to my reputation, and sometimes things from the past are going to show up to haunt me. The best thing I can do is to keep concentrating on my program, putting my best foot forward, and facing each challenge head on. I trust in my Higher Power to push me through whatever lays ahead, and just maybe I will do something worthy of the admiration of others along the way.

Affirmation I know what matters most is how genuine I am for myself and my Higher Power. If this is where I focus my work for now, then whatever other’s think is of little consequence.

November 3

”Children aren't coloring books. You don't get to fill them in with your favorite colors.” Khalen Hosseini

My recovery has required reflection on my childhood. It is a search for the events or simply the atmosphere in which I was raised that influenced how I grew up. It is an exercise in determining the “colours” that were applied to direct my choices and maturity. It is also an opportunity to identify the major events, negative and positive that have shaped my world. Although there is nothing I can do to change my upbringing, I can certainly benefit from looking at the snapshots of the past and gaining understanding of those who had an effect on my life. I can also ask adult explanations of people for things that I remember which may not quite be recalled exactly as they happened. So I do have opportunities to change my colored-view of the past. This knowledge helps me to move forward mostly by allowing me closure for old wounds, to forgive and let go of events from the past that have weighed me down for years. It allows me to turn over those chapters of my life and to look for the lessons to apply to my present.

Affirmation May I have the courage to examine my past, close old wounds, and free myself from some baggage to allow me freedom to be more present today.