November 30

”Sometimes it is better to lose and do the right thing than to win and do the wrong thing.” Anthony Charles Lynton Blair

It’s hard to do the right thing all the time. It’s even harder to do the right thing when you see others doing the wrong thing and getting ahead and getting what they want. And yet experience is showing me that in order to get what my Higher Power wants me to have, well we’re back to needing to do that right thing. So it goes back to that simple question – is what I am doing to satisfy my own will, or His? Of course this raises up the whole issue of life being unfair, is there really karma, why do good things happen to bad people, and so on and so forth. My job is to stop when I feel myself being pulled into this trap. My concern here is not about everyone or anyone else, and to some degree not even about myself. It boils down to my willingness to surrender to the will of the God of my understanding. Am I truly committed to the program and the better way of life that promises sanity and serenity? Suffering and hard times are a part of life. However I am beginning to see that these darker times are required to provide the contrast to allow me to see the influence of my Higher Power in my life and the world around me. Just as the stars are always shining, I need the darkness of night for them to shine and to enjoy their beauty and wonder. My Higher Power has a purpose in everything, even pain and sadness.

Affirmation

I may be tempted by the easier, faster way today, but I will pause to focus on His Will and His Way.

November 28

”Don't let what you can't do interfere with what you can do.” Anonymous

This is a reoccurring theme that I am hearing around me, in the Serenity Prayer, in the Bible, and in life. Accept what you cannot control, give thanks even in the darkest moments of despair, look for the silver lining. They are wise words, but there are times when it is not easy to see how to do it, how to let go, how to find joy in the pain, or how to dance in the rain. They all boil down to my faith in my Higher Power. How well do I trust that the God of my understanding has a purpose in mind for the situation I find myself in. How is the struggle I am facing going to help me, or help use me, to have His will followed? I simply cannot fathom all He has planned out for this world. So do I balk, do I throw a pity party, do I exclaim to all I meet “Woe is me!”? Or do I go back to surrendering, look back at all the wonderful gifts that I have been provided, the talents that I have, and the fact that I have survived 100% of my worst days so far and find ways to give thanks? It’s my choice to focus on the wall that it blocking my way or to look for the path that goes around it. It is my choice to be a rock on a windy day or the leaf that lets the breeze take it where it is supposed to go. I think I know which one I am supposed to do, God grant me the courage to be blown along the right path.

Affirmation

Today give me the strength to surrender my will and to be glad about it.

November 26

”The chief cause of failure and unhappiness is trading what we want most for what we want in the moment.” Bertrand Russell

My addiction wants instant gratification, the instant fix, that immediate high. It is not inclined to wait for the right, safe or perfect moment. This is the compulsive aspect, the irrational I need things my way NOW attitude that drove me into strange patterns of behaviour to fulfill that urgent desire. It can be a little unnerving looking back at just how crazy I used to act, and not realize how insane it all was. Part of my recovery has been exercising the ability to put things off, to feel that craving and to deny it, even for a short period. My ability to become aware of things that trigger that insatiable hunger has also introduce moments where I can find a distraction, say the Serenity Prayer, turn my mind to something from my program, or anything else to let the power of that call diminish even just a little. As someone in the program likes to say, it’s not so much a problem of willpower as it is a problem of won’t power – saying no to my addiction is not easy. I am learning that the things which are truly worth my time and effort in life are also things which are worth waiting for. Those parts of the world that bring me lasting joy, my fulfilling relationships, my great achievements – these require patience, waiting for the right moment, and doing things in the right, and often slow, manner that is needed to reach the goal. But this is a much healthier way to live than jumping from one temporary gratification to the next.

Affirmation

May I find the courage to recognize when I am triggered and the strength to delay acting upon it today.