April 30

"Try to be a rainbow in someone else's cloud.” Maya Angelou

On a cloudy day like today it can be easy for me to forget what the warmth of the sun feels like on my skin. I can all too easily relate to the grey skies, reflecting that dreary atmosphere in my own mood. I need to make a conscious effort to realize that I do not need to be a victim to my circumstances. I am not obligated to automatically imitate my surroundings. Rather, I can choose to remember that the sun is still there, however there is simply an obstacle between me and those rays of light. Certainly it's not a barrier that I can remove, but it doesn't change the fact that I have the choice to focus on what is in the way, or my belief and faith that the sun is still there doing its job. This is where my own determination and discipline comes into play. It is easy to do the right things when things are going well, harder when they are not. But it is in the consistency and persistence of my actions that I build resolve and character. Further, where I start my day from, the base attitudes and perceptions I choose to hold onto, affects my interactions with others. If I am being positive, looking for the silver lining in the grey clouds above, I am more likely to be open and willing to be of service, to offer a helping hand or empathetic ear, and to be that rainbow in someone else's cloud.

Affirmation

My own attitude heading into today will have a great influence on my interactions with others so let me choose to be positive no matter the external circumstances.

April 29

"What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals.” Zig Ziglar

It has been pretty clear to me in light of the current situation that my goals have shifted, rather drastically in fact. I am certain that I am not the only one going through a bit of an identity crisis as the places that I am needed and allowed to "work" has been greatly influenced. It has made me pause to reflect on what I really want to achieve in life. I still have a good solid job, waiting for me once restrictions lift and we go back to the new normal. In the meantime, however, how do I occupy my time. What "hobbies" do I focus on, are there other ways to use my skills and abilities? Is it a chance to safely explore other potential career paths? These are things that have been running through my mind. In all honesty, the jury is still out. I am weighing my options, while at the same time putting a more concerted effort into reaching out to solidify some aspects like my writing which could become something more than an occasional habit. The more important aspect for me is in realizing that this detour is still a part of the path forward to reaching the goals I want in life. Much of what is happening is beyond my control, yet that doesn't mean I do not have any control - I am still able to pick a direction and go that way. I can still choose the person I am aspiring to become.

Affirmation

Reflecting on who I am and who I wish to be can help me make the right choices today.

April 28

"If you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.” Roald Dahl

One of the struggles in my recovery has been rediscovering joy and happiness. After years of depriving myself of these feelings in the endless pursuit of lustful pleasure, my senses were warped. In fact, I strongly related to the term pleasure deaf when I first heard it early in recovery, it was an apt description of my emotional state. It has taken dedication and commitment to working my program of recovery for me to re-engage a healthy and balanced emotional state. Now with years of recovery under my belt, I am once again able to enjoy a beautiful sunrise, relish in the birds singing in the early morning light, savour a well-cooked meal, feel the warmth of a smile, and delight in time spent with a loved one. It is not surprising, looking back at those years spent in my addiction, that my outward appearance often did not let the sunshine peer through. I was living a lie, hiding in my double-life. Today as I live a more genuine and authentic life, the light within has regained the power to  shine forth into the world. And that is a lovely thought indeed.

Affirmation

Today I will practice letting the sun shine forth from within, through smiles, laughing and a cheery demeanour.