December 31

”Loneliness is painful; solitude is peaceful. Loneliness makes us cling to others in desperation; solitude allows us to respect others in their uniqueness and create community.” Henri Nouwen

Spending holidays without my kids puts some of my past into perspective. It’s a reminder of the cost my addiction. But it was also a time for reflection, and where I noticed that I am better able to be alone. As my group’s promises state, “reaching out in trust and connecting with others will come easier, dispelling our sense of isolation and loneliness.” This is something that I have begun to notice in my life, that my loneliness is indeed transforming into solitude. My addiction was lonely, and being alone was indeed painful, which led to my wanting to find some way to soothe the suffering. My medication was to act out, and I can see how so much of that past behaviour stemmed from desperation. Solitude comes from the serenity I experience in recovery. The fact that I no longer feel driven by my addiction, but that I know I can rely on my Higher Power, my group, friends, family, and even myself, has shown me the power of community. I have finally come to find peace within, and that is the best gift I could ever hope for.

Affirmation I will enjoy the tranquility of life, the quiet moments to simply sit and just be. I do not need external things to distract me from being alone.