October 31

”Affliction is often that thing which prepares an ordinary person for some sort of an extraordinary destiny.” CS Lewis

I am learning a good deal about the hero’s journey, a common theme in literature where someone “normal” is pushed into a great adventure, usually after suffering a tragic loss of some kind. I do agree with Mr. Lewis that affliction is often a catalyst for change, for an undertaking of significant magnitude that often escapes someone at the start of the journey. My path into recovery is certainly a very personal example that only arose from tragedy. Along this path I have had tasks to face to confront my fears, acknowledge my weakness and to solidify my strengths. I have met wise advisors, and enemies along the way who have attempted to thwart my progress. Through it all, however, I have had to make many hard choices to continue following the right path. I know I am not yet at the end of this adventure, nor am I certain what the goal or treasure I seek to attain may be when I reach the destination. I do, however, have faith that there is a greater purpose for the road I am following and that the reward is worth the strife I face along the way.

Affirmation I recognize pain and suffering as teachers, as motivation for change and movement to a new and better direction of my life.

October 30

”Be more concerned with your character than with your reputation. Your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.” John Wooden

I think this idea sums up a good portion of the aim of my recovery, the process through which I will restore my character. While I am not so certain that I was obsessed about my reputation during my active addiction, I was definitely not doing much to build my character. If anything I was acting like a bunch of different characters, but they were mainly facades. The 4th and 5th Steps have been key components to the restoration of my integrity, values and morals. Taking my inventory, fearlessly, and putting my life under a microscope has helped me see in clearer detail all my strengths and weaknesses. This introspection helped lay a foundation for me to start laying down the new framework for the person I want to be. Steps 8 and 9 are a continuation of the process. For me it is taking my recovery work beyond myself, and out into the surrounding area where my actions and behaviours harmed others. In humbling myself to face those who I have hurt, to express my regret in having treated them as I did, and seeking to make amends, I also strengthen my character. These are positive steps to reinforcing the person I want to be in recovery, and in life.

Affirmation In following the Steps, I will work towards rebuilding and strengthening my character, one block at a time.

October 29

”The most exhausting thing in life, I have discovered, is insincerity.” Anne Morrow Lindbergh

There have been a number of occasions where the consequences of my actions that finally caught up with me, or that I finally had the courage to face. One of the saving graces, a lesson learned from the 12 Steps, has been to be honest. Being frank and open about situations has certainly improved the outcome of many of these encounters. Not that it has been easy. Admitting even parts of my issues and past behaviours can be daunting. However, I thank my groups for having given me a place where each week I can bare my soul, and I attribute the practice of this sharing in such a safe environment for giving me the courage to do so in the real world. Overcoming my past behaviours of lying and insincerity has been a lot of work. But I have many opportunities each day to practice living with integrity and honesty. Telling the truth, being truly sincere, might be harder in the short-term, but it does not require the long-term upkeep that my webs of lies used to. And that in itself is a great freedom.

Affirmation Sincerity and open, honest communications are a required part of the foundation of my recovery, and for rebuilding trust and relationships.