January 27

”Love's gift cannot be given, it waits to be accepted.” Rabindranath Tagore

Love is a challenging subject. Falling in love after separation was not something I planned or expected to happen as soon as it did. Even though I have spent a good deal reading about true love, it’s another thing trying to put it into practice. This has been further complicated by the simple fact that I have spent to many years deny any and all emotions, good or bad. So learning how to show my feelings of any sort is not something that comes naturally. I have had to play some serious catch-up with my emotional maturity. And like learning anything, I am making mistakes along the way. I do believe that I have found a loving relationship with a wonderful woman. Someone whom I am fully aware of, and that I accept as she is. In turn, I am confident that she feels the same about me. We are honest, genuine and authentic with ourselves and with each other. This vulnerability is at the same time exhilarating and frightening. There is room for great hope and joy, but also the risk of a deep hurt. I pray that it is God’s will that we stay together for many years of good times, and few struggles.

Affirmation In surrendering myself to the will of my power greater than myself, I open myself to the possibility of receiving many precious gifts.

January 19

”Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.” George Bernard Shaw

Much of my life has been dominated by me fears. And it is those fears which have held me back, which have been obstacles to allow me to take certain risks in my life. I am afraid of being rejected, of those unwilling to accept me as I am. I am afraid of not being loved or worthy of love. I am afraid of being abandoned, left alone with no one to keep dear and near to my heart. These fears lock me into the present. They bind me to what is comfortable, make me less willing to try something new, to truly listen to my intuition and follow my dreams. These things I am afraid of keep me from striving to reach my full potential. Yet recovery is showing me I am worthy of all that I hope and dream of. It is teaching me that my Higher Powers will is to have all this and more. I am not alone. I am not worthless. I am loved, capable, talented, and beautiful. I can overcome and I will succeed.

Affirmation I will face my fears to make way for the new choices I want to make to start making my own trail in life.

January 18

”Growth begins when we begin to accept our own weakness.” Jean Vanier

My addiction became the largest part of my defense mechanism. I was the wall I built to protect me from my suffering, my defects and my weaknesses. The intentions were good in the beginning, when I was younger and didn’t know a better way. But because it became the primary method of dealing with most anything in life, I didn’t live fully. I spent my time hiding, pushing emotions inside and burying. There was no room to accept how life affected me. What was once a protective barrier had become an all-consuming entity that was destroying me. Recovery has a great deal to do with acceptance. I have to accept me as I am. That means accepting all that has happened to bring me to today. It also means that I need to take time to face all the things I put away in the closet and didn’t give myself permission to feel. It means becoming willing to let go of those aspects of myself that no longer serve their purpose. I am learning to accept my weaknesses, along with my strengths in equal measure. In getting to know myself once again, wholly, I open the path to growth and nurturing.

Affirmation There will come a time when I need to let go of things from my childhood which no longer work for me as an adult. I am willing to take this mature step forward.