January 18

”Growth begins when we begin to accept our own weakness.” Jean Vanier

My addiction became the largest part of my defense mechanism. I was the wall I built to protect me from my suffering, my defects and my weaknesses. The intentions were good in the beginning, when I was younger and didn’t know a better way. But because it became the primary method of dealing with most anything in life, I didn’t live fully. I spent my time hiding, pushing emotions inside and burying. There was no room to accept how life affected me. What was once a protective barrier had become an all-consuming entity that was destroying me. Recovery has a great deal to do with acceptance. I have to accept me as I am. That means accepting all that has happened to bring me to today. It also means that I need to take time to face all the things I put away in the closet and didn’t give myself permission to feel. It means becoming willing to let go of those aspects of myself that no longer serve their purpose. I am learning to accept my weaknesses, along with my strengths in equal measure. In getting to know myself once again, wholly, I open the path to growth and nurturing.

Affirmation There will come a time when I need to let go of things from my childhood which no longer work for me as an adult. I am willing to take this mature step forward.