November 14

”Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.” Brené Brown

My addict, my alter-ego, my dark shadow or dark passenger, however I refer to it, there it is. It is the parts of me that I no longer desire to give control to, the wolf that I no longer wish to feed. It is the core of my shame and guilt, the black centre where my addiction lives and thrives. This is where those powerful, cunning, and baffling urges originate. This is where my ability to rationalize and justify all my bad behaviors resides. This is where my emotions come to be buried, pushed aside, and are ignored. This is where I lose sight of all that is around me, isolating from the world and reality. This is my toxic self. Yet, it is only a part of me, and like most things in this world, can only sustain itself if it is fed and given attention. This is why my focus in recovery is on new behaviours, new tools and methods for dealing with life, new rules and standards for me to follow, new Steps to lead the way. In living by my program, in working all that I put in my outer circle, the power of this shame core will diminish, restoring me to sanity, and freeing me to see and follow the will of my Higher Power.

Affirmation I can confront my shame, face the darkness within and find my way back into the light. The Steps and my brothers and sisters in the program can help me on this path.