October 16

”Fate leads the willing, and drags along the reluctant.” Lucius Annaeus Seneca

I firmly believe that addiction, and I include all types in my definition, is a disease of choice. That my uncontrollable and unmanageable craving is caused by an illness that affects my ability to make rational decisions, and which circumvents my capacity to recognize the consequences of my actions. Having come to this belief has also increased my fear of being able to make good choices in my recovery. The problem is that life is full of choices. In fact, it’s probably what we spend most of our time doing, from the very simple tasks of taking care of ourselves, our surroundings, or doing our job, to the larger choices of setting goals, working towards dreams, etc. So I suppose it should come as no surprise that there are times when I shy away from making choices. As Patrick Carnes points out in his Recovery Zone series, decisions come at the cost of some sort of loss, something is cut away as the origin of the word suggests. Deciding to eat healthier means giving up some of my comfort foods. Deciding to exercise means giving up some time lazing around doing nothing. Deciding to be in recovery means having the willingness to cut out my addict. All these decisions come at a cost. The problem is, the decisions have to be made, the price paid, in order for me to move on. And this can be why it seems hard to make choices, especially the right ones.

Affirmation Decisions are a part of my life. While the cost of a choice might seem steep right now, chances are the long term effects will more than offset the price I will pay.