April 29

”Apology is a lovely perfume; it can transform the clumsiest moment into a gracious gift.” Margaret Lee Runbeck

That simple phrase “I’m sorry” took a while to have meaning again. For too long, I had been like the boy who cried wolf, and apologizing had little meaning because it was a hollow act, only meant to appease people for the short term to allow me to get back to the comfort of my addiction. It fell short of being something genuine and sincere, because it was not. Apology for me now has to also be coupled with amends. The dictionary defines amends as a form of compensation or reparation for a loss or damage of some kind. So like many instances in my recovery process, proof of change to others has had to focus on action and not simply on my word. Walking the talk has been required, on a consistent and persistent basis, to show that I truly am on a different path. Seeking forgiveness is just one of the areas where this has been prevalent. There is a definite power in humbling myself to admit my wrongs and to seeking to right situations. I am more genuine, more open to others, more human. It is a moment of grace, baring my weakness and admitting that I am not perfect. It also lifts a weight from my shoulders and my soul, letting me breathe more freely. It is a good practice to do regularly so that I do not carry my mistakes with me, growing in dark places and turning into shame and resentment. It is something to be worn as a symbol of my strength and self-confidence, a badge of honour and my commitment in working at improving myself.

Affirmation

Let me acknowledge my errors today, all the ways that I hurt those around me. I will seek forgiveness and make things right through amends to end the day with a slate that is cleared of wrongdoing.