August 19

”To rid ourselves of shadows – who we are- we must step into either total light or total darkness.” Jeremy Preston

There have been moments in my life when I have felt that life could only progress to one extreme or the other, either complete and total immersion into my addiction, a transformation into my darkest self, or a trip in the other direction to completely shed me of the evil skin that coated all I did and all I was. In these moments I was often at my worst, in my lowest state, unable to find much hope of a return to normalcy. In recovery I can see more clearly that things are not simply black or white, but most often a variety of shades. Extremes are not usually healthy, for good or for worse, but life is more fluid and its ok that things fluctuate within a spectrum. The trick is to neither succumb to my addictive behaviours nor try to shut them out completely. It is more about learning to accept myself as I am, the black, the white, and the multiple shades of gray in between. My goal is not to rid myself of my shadow – like everything else about me it serves a purpose. While it took a more predominant place in my life than it should have, I am working to put it into perspective. My shadow today reminds me of why I am in recovery, why I work my program, and allows me to reflect on how different things have become. I can accept it as an integral part of me, but do not have to be led by it any longer.

Affirmation In time the power of my shadow of my addiction will diminish as I focus on the 12-Steps and my recovery.