August 31

”What makes the universe so hard to comprehend is that there is nothing to compare it with.” Anonymous

One of the things I have struggled with in recovery is redefining what a normal life is. After years of living a double-life, of escaping reality through fantasy and acting out, it’s been quite the adjustment to the “real world.” A big part of the challenge is the fact that I don’t have an easy gauge to determine what normal is…life until recovery had been abnormal. One of the tricks I have used these past couple of years is to see what my first instinct is and then do the opposite, or at least something very different. For example, if I get the urge to turn on the TV knowing I am going to watch without a time limit or other boundaries, I pick up recovery material to read instead. If I have a pull to skip a meeting, or to pass on calling a friend in recovery, I go to the meeting or make the call. Or if I feel the need to make a decision on my own and trust my gut, I wait and ask for advice before deciding what to do. It’s taken a renewed faith in a Higher Power to recognize some of these warning signs and to realize that I don’t always make the best choices. I do believe addiction, and this means all addictions, no matter the drug of choice, are a disease of choice. That the hyper-stimulation of our brains affected my ability to make good choices, to weigh options and realize the consequences, before they happened. So I am learning to trust others to help guide me as I regain a better sense of how to make good choices.

Affirmation I will humble myself enough to allow others to advise and guide me as my past has clearly demonstrated that I have not made the best decisions.