November 25 (69)

”Boredom is the feeling that everything is a waste of time; serenity, that nothing is.” Thomas Szasz

My addict was easily bored. Anything that was not overtly sexual, or that did not lead in that direction was boring, therefore irrelevant and a waste of time. No wonder I felt so preoccupied with sex, in all places, at all times, and most of those where it was totally inappropriate! I guess, realizing how pervasive that thinking was, it is a miracle that I didn’t cross more boundaries than I did. Serenity for me today is not just simply acknowledging that nothing is a waste of time. It is about being aware and appreciating everything that happens around me. To be able to have lost that one-track thinking, to have the liberty to explore and connect with the rest of the world that envelopes everything I do and all that I am is a small miracle. My addiction had me tuned to the same TV channel while there are thousands of others with millions of subjects waiting for me to investigate and enjoy. Still the transition from boredom and loneliness to serenity and solitude has not been without difficulty.  I have had to do a lot of reflection and self-forgiveness to be comfortable being alone in my own skin. It is a new skill that I am putting into to practice, with heavy reliance on my Higher Power and the program.

Affirmation I will find serenity and solitude. They will become a regular part of my day and healthy way of living.