”They say a person needs just three things
to be truly happy in this world. Someone to love, something to do, and
something to hope for.”
Tom Bodett
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If
life truly is that simple, then my addiction certainly fell short of meeting
those basics for happiness. I was far from having anyone to love, many that I
lusted after, but only my addict wanted love. Yet that was not pure love, but
a selfish, greedy, self-centered and egotistical love. My addiction certainly
provided something to do, but nothing that was beneficial, nothing
that created or promoted life or that was constructive or productive in any
way.
And
last something to hope for; well I would say that was part of the main
driving force behind my compulsive behaviour. But it was a desperate hope to
find something, that perfect release, the perfect moment of bliss, the
perfect acting out fantasy become reality which was nothing but a pipe dream.
Far from attainable or achievable, it remained always out of reach but kept
me hooked and seeking to find that sexual nirvana which always managed to
elude my grasp.
In
recovery I am discovering that I can be happy if I love myself, that my
recovery is something to do to make a difference, and that my hope to remain
connected to my Higher Power is enough for true contentment.
|
Affirmation
I will
move aware from the empty promises and fruitless adventures of my compulsive
behaviours. True happiness comes from simple, basic things.
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These thoughts are part of my personal journal - reflections of where I am and have been in my recovery, but also where I want to be. My words come from my heart, and moments of clarity when I am best connected with my Higher Power. May God grant you serenity in reviewing my humble beginnings and my continuing path of recovery.
Wednesday 28 November 2012
November 28 (66)
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