September 28

”You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. What you'll discover will be wonderful. What you'll discover is yourself.”” Alan Alda

My recovery is my own. My path through separation is my own too. Those close to me have their own paths to follow to heal from the trauma of living in the toxic environment that I subjected them to. This includes my kids. Even though I may be making good progress in accepting the consequences and the new reality of my recovery, there is no obligation for my path to be in sync with those of the people around me. It takes a good deal of patience to repeatedly answer questions from my younger children about mommy and daddy getting back together again. Now that the decision is firm that this is not the direction things are headed, it is not always easy to answer the question without bringing up the ghosts of the past. The “what ifs” of wondering if I did enough to repair the damage all too easily surface anew. My role is to continue being a good parent and to show my children that separation, while perhaps not their choice, is where I need to be. As long as I am working my program and improving my own character, I have faith that my kids will come around. Maybe never to a complete understanding of how things have changed, but at least to accept things as they are.

Affirmation I cannot change where I am or how I feel to please others, even my children. I need to trust the process of the Steps and know that my recovery will become apparent to others in time.