May 20

”We cannot live for ourselves alone. Our lives are connected by a thousand invisible threads, and along these sympathetic fibers, our actions run as causes and return to us as results.” Herman Melville

I recently watched the movie Shame. In my opinion, although it is somewhat explicit, it portrays the life of a sex addict without glamourizing it. As a recovering addict it fell like watching periods of my life as an outside observer. While I could relate to the pain, the seemingly irrational pull into acting out and the eventual downward out-of-control spiral, it also felt comforting to recognize that I am no longer in that space. I was aware of the opportunities that were missed to seek help; I know from my own past how long it took to reach a bottom that pushed me to find a different way out. Finding the SAA program and taking the risk of admitting I had a problem has been at the same time one of the most difficult and health decisions I have made. I continue to see more and more the places in my life where help was right in front of me but I was too blinded by my addiction to care. My life in recovery has not been easy by any stretch of the imagination. Not only do I have to face the consequences of my past, but life continues on and new challenges await me all the time. For the most part I have faced them from a place of sobriety and serenity. The rediscovery of my Higher Power and the support of my caring friends in the program continue to keep me afloat.

Affirmation Today I can be grateful that I am not in my active addiction. I will thank my Higher Power for the gift of sobriety.