December 16

”A dream is the bearer of a new possibility, the enlarged horizon the great hope.” Kline

It still amazes me that I have regained the ability to dream. After years of living with my head filled with the sexual fantasies on a practically non-stop basis, it is odd to have that void in my thinking. Yet it is also refreshing not to have my head revolving around only acting out thoughts 24 hours a day. I never realized how much all that preoccupation stole my energy to allow me to focus on the other aspects of my life. The fantasies while I was actively in addiction felt like possibilities, like the magical answer to fix all my problems which could wash away all my pain and sorrow. Yet as I look back now, they were nothing more than pipe dreams, false wishes that sought to give me something which could never be realized, that would never live up to all the hype and advertising. They were empty lies meant to keep me searching for that perfect sexual experience which my fantasy could never deliver. True dreams are based on concrete things, hope and truth and possibility. They are meant to enhance my life, not dominate it, to encourage imagination and creation, not stifle it. My horizon in recovery is so much larger than I could ever see along that solitary track of my addictive living.

Affirmation I will find power in my dreams to improve my life, to rebuild what has be broken, and to recreate what has been lost.