December 24

”It's so much darker when a light goes out than it would have been if it had never shone.” John Steinbeck

As I spend my first holiday season without my family I certainly can feel the loss of what I destroyed, magnified by this new separation. The potential of what could have been weighs heavy on my thoughts and on my heart. Yet I need to look honestly at where I am today. Even though I may not be with those I love, most especially my children, I know I am with them in spirit as they guard their place in my heart. In truth, my life is much better than it was, and I have the greatest gift I could ever imagine, which is being sexually sober. My sobriety never promised to fix all my problems and to make things right. It is a gift of hope for a better today and the opportunity to continue improving my situation tomorrow. So as I go through these hours and days in a bit of a melancholic funk, I can reflect upon the loss of the past, yet equally rejoice in all that I have gained and all that I still have to be grateful for. There are certainly more blessings in my life than curses and I need not look very far to discover how much better life has become. There are dark places in my life where the lights have been turned off. Yet there are multitudes of other lights that still shine and I know there are others that have yet to be turned on.

Affirmation Being present, being a gift to myself today by being in recovery, this is the best thing that I can hope to receive.