June 7

”Self-respect is the root of discipline: the sense of dignity grows with the ability to say no to oneself.” Abraham Joshua Heschel

I remember when I reached a point in my recovery where part of me wanted to act out, but after a few short seconds I had the sensation that it was too much work, would require too much energy, and I simply stopped. It was totally bizarre, being in a place where my normal inner circle behaviour felt forced and foreign to me. I felt it was a great step forward but never thought that such a moment would have been possible in my life. My ability to say to no to my addict, to send that persona back into the attic in the house in my mind and to “change the channel” when my thoughts fall onto the fantasy station increases as I progress in my recovery. Practicing say “no” is like exercising and I can feel it getting easier the more often I do it. It’s true that I feel a greater sense of self-respect and integrity in maintaining the discipline to deny those urges of my addiction. Recognizing in advance the empty promises and temporary highs to escape the moment is a big step forward. Now that I take this further and choose to do something else that supports my recovery instead is an even bigger step. Picking up my tools is becoming a more natural response in dealing with daily life.

Affirmation I can and will regain the ability to say “no.” In recognizing my triggers today I will seek the strength to choose a healthier path.