May 27

"God is lovingly and powerfully present with us in our laments, but sometimes that knowledge needs to be enough. Sometimes we need to learn to love God more than the happy ending we hope for."  Esther Fleece, "No More Faking Fine"

The Websters dictionary definition of lament is "to mourn aloud." I will be the first to admit that mourning is not one of my strengths, not something I am accustomed to or practiced at doing. It, like most of the strong emotions in life, is something I avoided at all costs, especially trying to live up to the image of a male in our society. On the rare occasions I have mourned, they have been done in silence. The same place that I go with my suffering. This is not a part of me that was encouraged to be done in the company of others, with their support, grace and compassion. No it was a battle to be faced alone, unseen because any public display of grief and loss meant I was weak. At least, this is the old me that I am working on changing. Books like No More Faking Fine are teaching me the power of lamenting, of crying out to God when there is pain and suffering, when I don't understand the why's of this world. It is not something I need face alone, for there is more than enough sadness in this life to go around. Sharing it makes it easier to lift the burden on my soul, one teardrop at a time.

Affirmation

God help me to be willing to cry out aloud to you today so I can express my pain, loss, and grief for I know that you are there to listen.

May 6

"Prayer does not change God, but it changes him who prays."  Soren Keirkegaard

I have to admit than in the past year or so I have felt several pulls into potential activities to be more of service. I have felt this need to find the right fit to put my skills and talents to use, feeling like I was being called by my Higher Power to do just so. Yet everything so far has been just a bright, flashy light attracting my attention. I have made attempts to pursue many of these, yet none has materialized into something solid. Today I am in a similar state, the latest thing to catch my attention is sitting in front of me, and I am questioning if this is the path I am meant to follow. Is it where my Higher Power wants me to focus my attention and make a commitment to this cause? My honest answer is that I simply do not know, being even more unsure of myself and this potential direction given all the other shiny things to which I have been drawn. So this time around I am making a change, I am praying for guidance and direction. I am asking others to do the same, to see if this is indeed the way I am being called forward. I do not know how the answer will come or what it will be. I am simply trusting in God, being faithful to His will, and offering myself to be of service. Let His will be done and I shall be content.

Affirmation

Prayer is my connection to my Higher Power and I will use it to seek direction and guidance when I do not know which way to turn.

May 5

"Why do you go away? So that you can come back. So that you can see the place you came from with new eyes and extra colors. And the people there see you differently, too. Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving."  Terry Pratchett

Some say that change is the only constant. I suppose, from a strict scientific look at the world, this is true. Everything is constantly in motion, constantly under the forces of the universe. But as a rational human being, there are times where I would disagree, where I would feel like I am stagnating, frozen in time. Those feelings of being immutable, unchanging, are more a reflection of my thoughts and feelings, my state of mind. They are not fully based on reality. In fact, it requires a conscious ignorance of my surroundings and noticing that things are indeed changing. I have merely chosen for a period of time to ignore this fact. The world moves on whether or not I decide to be aware of what is occurring. They say you can never come home again. I think the above quote accurately contradicts this idea. You can indeed go home again, but you will not be the same person you where when you left. Nor will the others who remained be the same. We are all constantly changing, adapting, and hopefully growing. Our influence lies in guiding what type of change has happened, has it been positive and nurturing, or has it not? That is the heart of the matter.

Affirmation

I will take time to notice the change around me, and choose to be an active participant rather than a spectator on the sideline.