November 23

”A moment's insight is sometimes worth a life's experience.” Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

I was reminded recently of how working my program on a consistent basis opens me to new insights. After attending a few meetings in close proximity, I uncovered a new perspective on this addiction. I have struggled a bit in the past as the professional community is pretty mixed on whether or not sex addiction is truly an addiction. But what I have come to realize is that it does not matter. You see, being in my meeting rooms made me aware of how much wisdom is present in all of us struggling with this affliction. There is ample proof that we are ordinary people capable of great things and deep thoughts and reflection. Yet at the same time, we also struggle against something more powerful than us which occasionally takes away that ability. Call it an addiction or not, the 12 Steps and the program of recovery have worked for me, like it has and continues to work for others, to regain a sense of balance and normalcy. This is why each day I make a promise to be in recovery. It is why I need to work my program, to pray and meditate, go to meetings, work the steps, reach out to members. It is why I need to do the other basic things in life like sleep properly, eat well, and exercise. It is also why I need to spend quality time with friends and love ones, play and have fun, and live in the present. These are all the components of my program, and if they do not come first, then there is something else waiting in the wings to fill in the time. That is my reality as an addict. Period.

Affirmation

My recovery is my own to define, to follow and it is my responsibility to maintain. Others can help keep me on track, but in the end I need to put in my own time, energy and effort.

March 28

”Life’s a dance you learn as you go, sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow.” John Michael Montgomery

I wish I knew more, that I had enough insight to know what the results of my actions will be before I make them. Unfortunately, I’m not a fortune teller, and like most people, I am stuck trying to make the best decisions that I can with what I know at the moment. Sometimes I do a good job, other times not so much. And so life goes, struggling sometimes to find the right path. I am coming to believe that I have certain skills and resources that help in this part of my life. Letting go and seeking the will of my Higher Power and praying for guidance go a long way in making better choices more often. This also permits me the time to slow down, step back, and listen to my intuition, my “gut instinct” if you will. I am also more apt to seek other’s opinions and advice, welcoming comments and criticism of my plans. I also evaluate my decisions. This lets me review events to seek improvements. In doing so I have learned that decisions made in for instant gratification are often poor choices. So delaying decisions that have a quick reward is a healthier option. Making decisions when there is a high level of emotions is also not usually wise, so instead I may write out how I feel or how I want to respond but review my message the following day before actually passing it along. This is part of my Step 10 work in taking stock on a regular basis of my behaviours, attitudes, and situation.

Affirmation I may not have the confidence to make the best choices, but I am learning ways to make better ones.

April 28

”Writing is a form of therapy; sometimes I wonder how all those who do not write, compose or paint can manage to escape the madness, melancholia, the panic and fear which is inherent in a human situation.” Graham Greene

I recall a member sharing the idea from their therapist who said that someone in recovery needs to journal to make any real progress. Having written so many of these meditations, which are my own journal, I know that in my case this is certainly true. This is one of my gifts, and it is also one of the ways that I connect with my Higher Power and open myself to His will. Having stepped back from writing for a couple months, I am once again learning to appreciate how much those 10-15 minutes each day mean in grounding me and providing me with insight into my own life and recovery. So the trick here is for me to not ignore those things I do that support my recovery, that improve my conscious contact with God, but also to try not to overdo them so they become burdensome or something that feels more like an obligation. There is a balance to be sought among all the other things I am doing to live my new life.

Affirmation Ignoring tools that work for me detracts from my ability to progress in recovery. I need to keep using what works, especially if it strengthens my connection with God.

February 17

” May you have the hindsight to know where you've been The foresight to know where you are going And the insight to know when you have gone too far.” Irish Blessing

Even in recovery and with months of sobriety under my belt, I still have moments where I don’t make the best choices. I still think I know better, or act on impulse, or choose to avoid asking advice from others before I make a decision. So being human, I still make mistakes. My path is different today in that I have more maturity and I don’t try to escape the consequences of my actions. Admitting I have made an error, acted in poor judgement or whatever the case may be opens the door to seeking to correct the situation. In acting more responsibly I avoid medicating not only the act itself, but the pain and guilt that come with denying my emotions. Hindsight, foresight and insight are concepts that are becoming new tools in my recovery. The ability to delve inward and look at where I came from, to see the hope of where I want to go, and to recognize when I have surpassed my boundaries are all strengths to be gained from the steps of my program. Each is a form of self-awareness that was not available to me in the past but that I can put to use each day to remain focused on the right path.

Affirmation Looking at my past, present and future from a sober place helps me to maintain my course while working my program.