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”It is the highest
form of self-respect to admit our errors and mistakes and make amends for
them. To make a mistake is only an error in judgment, but to adhere to it
when it is discovered shows infirmity of character.”
Dale
E. Turner
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The subject of amend is a challenging one
for me. I am certainly cognisant of the infinite wisdom of the steps,
especially those two words “wherever possible” of the 9th. There are
a few, but significant, people from my life where amends may never be
possible. That is a hard thing for me to accept as there is a part of me that
truly wants those people to know how much I have changed and to make an
attempt to repair the damage I caused. Yet these are also people who are
least likely to trust me because of how they have been hurt.
So I have to content myself today in being
a living amends. In working my program I continue the promise to myself, my Higher
Power and the world that I will no longer be the person I was. Having spent
many years in those destructive patterns, I have no desire to return to my
old ways.
In living by these new standards I may not
repair all the damage I have done. But taking steps to stop creating new destruction,
to stop hurting others, is a positive use of my time and recovery. My service
work is also another place where I can give back to society and use my energy
to help others, and to improve my community. These are all worthy efforts to
be a better human being.
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Affirmation
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I
will trust in my Higher Power that I will make the amends that I need when it
is the right time. Just for today I will remain willing to do what needs to be
done to repair the past.
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These thoughts are part of my personal journal - reflections of where I am and have been in my recovery, but also where I want to be. My words come from my heart, and moments of clarity when I am best connected with my Higher Power. May God grant you serenity in reviewing my humble beginnings and my continuing path of recovery.
Showing posts with label Step Nine. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Step Nine. Show all posts
Tuesday, 27 May 2014
May 27
Wednesday, 30 October 2013
October 30
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”Be more concerned
with your character than with your reputation. Your character is what you
really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.”
John Wooden
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I think this idea sums up a good portion
of the aim of my recovery, the process through which I will restore my
character. While I am not so certain that I was obsessed about my reputation
during my active addiction, I was definitely not doing much to build my
character. If anything I was acting like a bunch of different characters, but
they were mainly facades.
The 4th and 5th
Steps have been key components to the restoration of my integrity, values and
morals. Taking my inventory, fearlessly, and putting my life under a
microscope has helped me see in clearer detail all my strengths and
weaknesses. This introspection helped lay a foundation for me to start laying
down the new framework for the person I want to be.
Steps 8 and 9 are a continuation of the
process. For me it is taking my recovery work beyond myself, and out into the
surrounding area where my actions and behaviours harmed others. In humbling
myself to face those who I have hurt, to express my regret in having treated
them as I did, and seeking to make amends, I also strengthen my character.
These are positive steps to reinforcing the person I want to be in recovery,
and in life.
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Affirmation
In
following the Steps, I will work towards rebuilding and strengthening my
character, one block at a time.
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