April 12

”A brave man acknowledges the strength of others.” Veronica Roth

It never ceases to amaze me what I learn about myself from the most unexpected moments. I have been happily handing out the initial copies of my first book to friends and brothers and sisters in the program who have been kind enough to support me. I went through with the publishing because it felt like the right thing to do, and not because I was seeking recognition or reward. For me, it’s purely part of my recovery and certainly my 12th Step work of passing the message to others. So what I was prepared for has been the response from those who are taking a copy. I haven’t grasped the impact I have had on the lives of those around me, and I am gaining insights that I might never have known. This in some ways has been a little challenging as I have had a difficult time accepting praise and recognition in the past. I am also striving to be a humble person. So when I mentioned at a meeting in my sharing that I was there for somewhat selfish reasons, i.e. to pass along copies of my book, I wasn’t prepare when someone said in their opinion of me I wasn’t selfish at all. I am grateful for this program that is teaching others, like it has me, to be brave, and to recognize others. I know I am indebted to those who were there for me and said the things I needed to hear.

Affirmation

Knowing I am worthy and deserving of recognition doesn’t necessarily prepare me to receive the accolades of others, but if I remain humble and true, I can accept them with gratitude.

March 3

”Life is a cup to be filled not drained.” Anonymous

Acceptance of the good things in life is not something that comes easy. After years of putting myself down, of telling myself that I was worth nothing, that nothing good was ever meant to happen to me, it’s challenging to receive happiness and prosperity into my world. Yet this is what I always wanted and what I felt I deserved. My poor self-esteem is a fundamental part of this process. I am gradually rebuilding, slowly coming to accept that my view of myself has to start within. So on those days when I like who I see in the mirror, when I am able to recognize and congratulate myself on my achievements, these are steps towards loving myself once again. I take heart in the fact that I am surrounding myself with others who care about me. It is a comfort to know that I can be loved as I am. Certainly, if others are willing to take that step, I have to be able to do likewise and be proud to be who I am, and accept gratitude and reward as something I deserve because I do deserve it. It’s time for me to focus on filling my cup.

Affirmation I am worthy of recognition, acceptance, friendship, respect and love. First and foremost from myself, and certainly as well from others.

January 19

”The world of achievement has always belonged to the optimist.” J. Harold Wilkins

Accepting rewards or recognition has been a challenge as I recovery from my addiction. Through all those years of living a double-life, I rarely felt like I deserved to be honoured in any way, always having the thought of “if only you knew who I really was” running through the back of my head, crushing any inkling of self-worth I might have. I was certainly great at beating myself up and finding reasons why I shouldn’t have a better life, job, or whatever other kinds of successes that might have been part of my life. I am thankful that my views are changing as I continue to grow in my self-acceptance. As I become comfortable with who I am, as I am, my self-esteem cannot help but improve. Yet even still, accomplishments can be a challenging area. Even simple things like accepting recognition for the progress of my recovery can disrupt my serenity. I am learning, however slowly, to accept that I am worthy of praise from time to time. Achievement is recognition of my effort, and now that I am making a more honest attempt to life a good life, I can accept the acclamation of my success. I can celebrate my progress in healthy ways that promote my recovery, and give thanks to my Higher Power and all those who supported me in reaching my goal.

Affirmation I am worthy of recognition, I do things worthy of praise, and I am a good person.

October 8

”When someone does something good, applaud! You will make two people happy.” Samuel Goldwyn

A good friend likes to remind me that celebrating periods of recovery is important. His biggest reason is that it is a reminder that if we take care of the little numbers, by living One Day at a Time, the big numbers take care of themselves. Personally, that part of my meetings where we take a few moments to recognize people’s accomplishments and periods of sobriety is about reminding everyone that the program does work. It does create happiness and joy when I can see others who have struggled pick up a one-month chip, or more. It is equally encouraging to see the veterans who can celebrate multiple years of sobriety and abstinence. All these milestones are a testament to people being able to turn lives around that at the lowest point seemed hopeless and futile. SAA changes and saves lives if we are just willing to trust in the process. I know people who shy away from recognition. Like me, good things can be a trigger as well, a time where I feel I deserve to reward myself. But I take another view for my periods of sobriety, that the recognition is to help demonstrate the value of the program to others. I am honestly content for each day I remain sober, thanks to the grace of God.

Affirmation I can celebrate my sobriety as well as that of others. It is good to be reminded that the program works if you work it.