February 17

”Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.” Albert Einstein

I think this is another way of saying “in all things, moderation.” I can strive to simplify my life, but even in this task I can go too far. I can reduce something to the point where it no longer has any relevance or value. Or I can spend time making things so clear that anyone can understand, but who would at the same time feel degraded because the level of language and comprehension was too far below a respectable level. This also speaks to me of the challenging concept of “good enough.” Challenging to me because this goes against my more natural tendency of perfectionism. This is where I am growing more comfortable with an 80% solution and that not necessarily everything has to be just right. My best doesn’t always have to be an A+ or a gold medal. A 4th place-effort might be enough to get the job done and satisfy the needs of the client. George Carlin used to joke about the worst doctor in the world, and the fact that someone has an appointment to see him tomorrow. Be that as it may, the worst doctor is likely a better choice than the best plumber in the world to diagnose any healthy issues. So I don’t need to necessarily be in the top 10, 20 or even 50% of people in whatever field I “compete.” My skills are enough to finish the job, then that may be all that is required.

Affirmation Humility can also come from accepting that my work may not be top-class all the time, but if what was needed gets done, then I can be satisfied with my efforts.

February 15

”The true perfection of man lies not in what man has, but in what man is.” Oscar Wilde

Too much of my life has been spent looking for things outside myself to make me feel happy, complete and content. It’s taken a lot of personal progress to realize that while it’s nice to have things like money, a good job, friends, a life partner, etc. these are only temporary sources of happiness. And that even with all this in my life, I can still be discontent. True happiness comes from within. It’s the acceptance of being who I am, how I am. It’s being alright with everything, my strengths and weaknesses. It’s realizing that my past is what has brought me today, but that today is a gift and I have the freedom to live it how I choose. All this means that each day is an opportunity to be who I truly am, to live to my fullest potential, to devour all the joy and wonder of this world. I can choose to push past the negativity of life, to make the most of all that life has to offer. This is my power, and my responsibility to take my place in the world rather than letting others dictate what it should be. I owe this freedom to my Creator, who gave me everything I will ever needed when I was born into this world. Its time I start using all those talents to make a difference.

Affirmation I need not strive for perfection; I have everything I need within me. I simply need to make the choice to use my God-given talents, and lead the life I was meant to live.

December 21

”We are haunted by an ideal life, and it is because we have within us the beginning and the possibility of it.” Phillip Brooks

It is still challenging to admit that I have moments of weakness and temptation. I still get upset and frustrated with myself when I find that I am being pulled into my middle circle. I think, in my case, that perhaps I am haunted by an ideal recovery, knowing that I have within me the potential for a “textbook” recovery, if such a thing were to exist. The reality is that I am human and I am flawed. I have strengths and weaknesses, talents and imperfections, the potential for good and poor decisions alike. I will take steps backwards as I try to move forwards. Not everything I do will I get right the first time around. Yet there is not much harm in keeping the hope of an ideal recovery in my head. It can be a goal, one that I know I shall never achieve, but that I can strive towards nonetheless. Like wanting to be more like Christ or Buddha is good for some, I, too, can seek to live an ideal life within my imperfect vessel. The importance is to keep trying and to continue using my tools to live better, One Day at a Time.

Affirmation I need to remind myself today that I can do my best, yet that it is alright to make mistakes, to have a slip, to experience a setback. Trying to be perfect in recovery is not a requirement, but can be a goal I reach towards.

December 3 (61)

”Making mistakes simply means you are learning faster.” Weston H. Angor

Recovery has and continues to be a humbling experience. I have stalled quite a few times in my recovery, trying to figure out the best or perfect way to go forward. From trying to define my circles and my personal definition of abstinence, to creating my list of character defects, I have not always been the easiest client who simply follows the program. As hard as my head might be, after several repetitions from some key members that the steps aren’t a one-time do-them-and-you’re-cured remedy, I am coming to grips with not having to do them exactly right the first time. The key is to do them to the best of my ability and just to get started working my way through the process. My Higher Power doesn’t expect me to follow everything the right way all of a sudden, the importance is that I continue along the better path, and continue to keep faith in His will. All the mistakes I am making in recovery are signs that I am breaking out of my old patterns and trying new things. The discomfort I feel is perfectly normal as I am no longer relying on old habits and coping mechanisms that are familiar. Change is an uncomfortable state that I am trying to embrace as I focus on my recovery.

Affirmation I accept that I am going to make mistakes in working my program. The importance is that I keep at it.

September 13

”That which is worth doing is worth doing well.” Nicolas Poussin

Perfectionism has long been both one of my character defects and strengths. It is a strength in pushing myself to do my best. But in most cases it is a defect because it leads to the belief that only mine works and it prevents me from seeking advice or help. As I recognize this art of me coming into play I have to stop and question myself. How far do I need to go to have a workable solution that is “good enough?” Who can I ask or where can I turn for help? What purpose does this serve beyond my own satisfaction for a job well done? What am I sacrificing for the perfect answer? Looking to my Higher Power to help me let go of my defect and seeking His guidance to find a positive replacement will help me grow in many aspects of my life. Sometimes I lose sight of the goal while trying to nail down every detail or ignore valuable advice that can save me time and effort. I don’t have to do it all on my own or think my works is any less valuable because I had help. It is not that I need to settle for doing less than my best. On the contrary it is about doing my best without sacrificing time, energy and effort that I can use better on something else. When the task at hand is complete, maybe not perfectly, but certainly well enough, I can move on. Succumbing to my perfection prevents me from completing things and from moving forward.

Affirmation My best can be given without achieving perfection. I need to find balance to keep succeeding in many things.

May 6

”Our life is frittered away by detail. Simplify, simplify.” Henry David Thoreau

One of my favorite quotes from my work is that the first 90% of a project will take 90% of the time, and the remaining 10% will take the other 90% of the time. For me the reason for the reality of this (maybe not quite to the same extreme) is getting into the details. It can be difficult sometimes to not plan to the minute detail. As someone who has trouble with procrastination, making sure every detail is there, well-defined, planned, accounted for, double-checked…these are all ways to prolong actually doing something. Part of learning to let go in my recovery also means learning to be comfortable with things that are “good enough.” Instead of trying to get something to 100%, I have to be content that maybe 80-85% is sufficient and will do the job. Sometimes it’s more important to get something mostly done than trying to get it perfect the first time. It is important that there may be an opportunity to make improvements later. The same goes for my recovery. I don’t need to give a perfect first step, practice perfect abstinence from my middle and inner circles. Sometimes efforts in the right direction are enough to keep me moving in the right direction and enough to keep me moving along my path to a better and saner life.

Affirmation Today I will focus on doing rather than getting things perfect. I will accept things that are “good enough.”