April 30

”Whether you're keeping a journal or writing as a meditation, it's the same thing. What's important is you're having a relationship with your mind.” Natalie Goldberg

One of the goals of my recovery is to become more honest with myself. In writing as much as I do, I have had to stare black and white at my own thoughts and feelings. It’s hard to ignore my own words when they come back at me. This has been most apparent in these meditations which I reread from time to time. This is more to this than just a relationship with my mind. I can also see the presence and influence of my Higher Power in the words that fill the pages. I often start with a random quote, not knowing where I intend to go with my thoughts. It often amazes me to see the final result of my ponderings put to paper. The biggest difference I notice since beginning to write is that my recovery has become more real. It takes putting my thoughts outside of myself in some fashion, sharing them aloud or scribbled in a journal, to make them concrete and tangible. It is another level of commitment as I continue down my road of recovery.

Affirmation I write, therefore I am in recovery. Concretising my thoughts steels my will and keeps me connected to my Higher Power.

April 28

”Writing is a form of therapy; sometimes I wonder how all those who do not write, compose or paint can manage to escape the madness, melancholia, the panic and fear which is inherent in a human situation.” Graham Greene

I recall a member sharing the idea from their therapist who said that someone in recovery needs to journal to make any real progress. Having written so many of these meditations, which are my own journal, I know that in my case this is certainly true. This is one of my gifts, and it is also one of the ways that I connect with my Higher Power and open myself to His will. Having stepped back from writing for a couple months, I am once again learning to appreciate how much those 10-15 minutes each day mean in grounding me and providing me with insight into my own life and recovery. So the trick here is for me to not ignore those things I do that support my recovery, that improve my conscious contact with God, but also to try not to overdo them so they become burdensome or something that feels more like an obligation. There is a balance to be sought among all the other things I am doing to live my new life.

Affirmation Ignoring tools that work for me detracts from my ability to progress in recovery. I need to keep using what works, especially if it strengthens my connection with God.