April 22

"Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does.” William James

There are days where it feels like I am simply going through the motions. In times like this I usually do not feel like I am being useful or productive, that what I do makes a difference. I need to take the time when I feel like this to pause and reflect. Those feelings of not being worthwhile or doing things of purpose are ways my addiction lies to me to diminish my worth and esteem. The tape playing in my head is all too often negative and critical. I have found my meditation and work in learning tools of mindfulness helps to calm that noise, to centre myself and to remember that I am much more than those thoughts try to suggest.  I have also learned that because I am my own worst critic, I often need to rely on others for a more honest opinion of who I am. People I trust are there to remind me of the good things I do, the contributions I make, the talents and qualities that I have to offer the world. This is a great place for me to turn so that I can be reminded that I do indeed matter, and that I am making a difference in the world.

Affirmation

I will be aware when my thoughts turn grey and negative today, pause, reflect, and remember that I more and worthy. I matter.

May 12

”Celebrate what you want to see more of.” Thomas J. Peters

Don’t touch this. You shouldn’t do that. Stay away from there. You’ll be sorry if you… I guess it shouldn’t come as much of a surprise that many of the lessons I learned came from things I shouldn’t do, the ways I shouldn’t behave or act, the things that I shouldn’t feel or acknowledge. All that negative reinforcement created my own negative attitudes and behaviours right alongside. If I think of an example of celebration, the best that comes to mind is that of the prodigal son. A son who asks for his share of the family estate, runs off and squanders it away, and waking in the mud next to the pigs, decides to go back home to work as a servant. Instead he is treated like royalty, thrown a lavish party, and no one (other than a jealous brother) questions his actions. His father celebrated the fact his son had returned to him, far outweighing any of the negative parts that could have been mentioned. I’m not as able as the prodigal son’s father. I still favour criticism for things to be improved rather than praise for what was done well. I certainly don’t give enough applause and laud the efforts of others, or even my own children, as perhaps I should. Yet knowing this is an area that is lacking allows me to make it a higher priority, and to work at improving it. Any additional effort is better than what I am doing know and can only make my life, and those around me, more pleasant. And that is cause for celebration.

Affirmation

I will strive to look at the positive today and to be slower to criticize others and myself. Acknowledging all the small success is a better goal than highlighting weaknesses.

May 3

”Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life's coming attractions.” Albert Einstein

I enjoy sitting down with a good book and reading a story. I’ve always been drawn to the fantasy and science fiction genres. I particular like a good adventure story, that starts with character from a very ordinary life who is thrown into an extraordinary position, and usually ends up on a quest to save the world. I like rooting for the underdog. I like using my imagination to bring the characters and the world to life, immersing myself in what my mind brings to life. I am also aware that I can use my imagination for my own benefit in the “real” world. From following suit of successful business people and athletes, I do spend time in certain aspects envisioning things that I want to happen. I use it to practice speeches and presentations in my head, visualizing success in my delivery. I use my imagination to look to the future I want to created, using a “vision” board to highlight what I want my life to be life and then working at believing that is what I have now. I do think our minds are a very powerful tool, that our thoughts are all part of the connected energy of the universe. How I think, my attitude and perceptions have a great influence in dictating what will happen to me, what kinds of experiences I will encounter, or what kind of prosperity I will receive. I am grateful that my imagination has been recovered in my recovery so that I am able to leverage it to continue bettering my life in its entirety.

Affirmation

There is a great truth in Rene Descartes idea of “I think therefore I am.” I will focus on the positive and envision good things for my future.

April 2

”Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence.” Aristotle

There are different forms of happiness. Having spent many years living for the temporary ones, those rewards of my acts of instant gratification, learning about true happiness has been good for me. It’s welcoming to find long-term happiness in things that are more real and meaningful. From true relationships with good intimacy, to time with friends & family, enjoying the simplicity and wonder of nature – all these are better ways to be content. The biggest challenge of all has come from within. Being able to look at myself in the mirror and to be able to accept and love the person staring back is a miracle. Knowing that it is inside me where my happiness starts, when I am truly okay with who I am, has been an important lesson. It’s a decision to be happy. I can choose to be miserable, to look only at the negative things which are happening around me. This is pretty easy to do. Or I can go in a different direction and look at al the good stuff that is happening, starting with my work on my new life. Being sober is definitely something worth smiling about!

Affirmation

Today I will concentrate on being happy, and look on the brighter side of life. Smile on, feet forward, let’s have a blast!

March 11

”Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be.” Abraham Lincoln

Happiness is another growth area. Life since finding the program has been a lot about dealing with the consequences of my past. Most of the work hasn’t been that pleasant, even if it has resulted in me carrying a lighter burden. Letting go of the past, making amends and other such growth activities are granting me the freedom to live a better life, but accepting the good things in it is still something to get used to. It is one of my goals to remain positive, to see the good in all situations. Some days are certainly easier than others as there are still people from my past, around me in the present, that are stuck in what happened. I think my most challenging relationship in that aspect is with my ex, somewhat less for things that affect me directly, but more for matters that concern our kids. Finding contentment each day can be a struggle. Allowing myself the right to enjoy life is part of being gentle with myself and not focusing on the things I can’t change. There are changings happening gradually to my inner dialogue that I am a decent person, that I deserve happiness, that I am worthy of the good things in my life. Like most things this is still a work in progress, a day at a time.

Affirmation I choose happiness. I choose to enjoy the moment. I deserve the good things that happen. I choose life.

January 5

”One does not love a place the less for having suffered in it unless it has all been suffering, nothing but suffering.” Jane Austen

The past was a place where for quite some time all I found was suffering, especially when I was near the bottom of my acting out. There was little hope, only pain, frustration, loss and despair. It took time as I moved into recovery to start finding positive things in my present, let alone in my past. Yet with time, as I have progressed through the steps and taken stock of who I am and all that I have done, I have found a more balanced life than I believed existed. While it’s true my primary focus for many years was my addiction and all the negativity that surrounded it, I can also see there were positives and accomplishments I made during those years as well. My scale was not 100% “evil” or “monster” like my addict tries to make believe. Suffering has had its place but I am now capable to find joy, happiness, success and achievement intermingled amongst all the rest when I look back at my life. It is by focusing on the good things that I can strive to be better today. I cannot change the past, but I have the power to choose which parts of it will influence me and help me as I live for today. I can decide to shed the negative skin and leave it behind me where it belongs.

Affirmation I do no need to be simply a product of my past. I have the power to be the person I want to be today, in recovery, by the grace of God.

April 13

”Write the bad things that are done to you in sand, but write the good things that happen to you on a piece of marble.” Arabic Parable

Many of us will be the first to admit that we are our own worst critic. We have become experts in determining our own defects of character, lapses of judgement and mistakes. Yet we struggle to recognize, let alone express gratitude, for all the good in our life, our talents and achievements. There are many tools for us to use to improve our positive thinking: daily meditation and prayer, using affirmations spoken in front of the mirror, reading daily reflections, developing a personal mantra. We need to teach ourselves that it is more than okay to like ourselves, to allow ourselves to receive self-love as for many it is something we have lacked since childhood. In taking care of ourselves we continue in our recovery and develop those traits that we can give freely to those who need them. We will grow spiritually as our love and ability to forgive ourselves and others improves.

Affirmation I will look for the positive in what I say and do today. It is okay for me to accept a well-deserved pat on the back, even if it has to be me who gives it.