September 29

”And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.” Abraham Lincoln

These days, weeks and months of sobriety have given me the freedom and opportunities to look at my future. Some of that focus has been thinking about what kind of legacy I want to leave behind. Some of it has been looking at the things I would like to accomplish or the places I would like to go. One of the most interesting exercises/experiences I have done was a reflection on how my priorities in life would change if I found out I had only 1 year left to live. This made me challenge the things I am doing today to look and see if there were important things that are often being pushed to the side. I know it has made me more conscientious about spending time with those close to me, family and friends alike. It has also helped me to view of my worries and fears from a new perspective that makes me want to think about them a lot less. The biggest improvement in my life is my continually growing aptitude of living in the moment. Putting the past behind me and leaving the future to happen in its own time are huge hurdles to overcome in living for the now. Yet this is where I am needed most, right here is where I have the most to give, this exact instant is where I have the power of choice. My Higher Power has given me a huge gift, the freedom to decide what I want to do with the time that has been given to me. It’s high time that I take that responsibility seriously and respect this precious offering.

Affirmation

Time is an insubstantial thing, except for the moment I am in. It is here that life, decisions, and everything is tangible. This is where I need to be to make my life exceptional.

December 26

”All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” J. R. R. Tolkien

Some days I am really discouraged with myself, and with how little I am doing to take care of my needs. It happens on days when I go to get dressed and can’t find clothes that fit properly and I am reminded that I have not been exercising as much as I would like, or eating as healthy as I should. It happens on days that I pick up my pen to write and realize it’s been days or weeks since I last put an entry in my journal. It happens when I go to a meeting and have to look at the calendar to recall the last time I sat around the table with my brothers and sisters in recovery. Staying focused on my recovery takes effort. It’s a set of new habits, many of which still do not come naturally to me. I have to set reminders, and have others check up on me to ensure that I remember to follow my program. I need to establish a new routine that includes my new tools to help me progress in my recovery. The more I find excuses to put something off, the easier it is to forget and the harder it is to find the resolve to get back on track. Being sober gives me back the power to choose what to do with my time. However, I need to make the effort to plan my time accordingly, to put recovery work into my daily routine, or my old habits will work their way into squandering my time.

Affirmation Recovery has a lot do to with recreating myself, and that means putting new and healthy habits into my routine to reinforce my sobriety.

December 23

”Each day is a loan, spend it wisely.” Anonymous

Time is a precious gift, and something I squandered too easily in the past. It is still something I struggle with, having too much time and trying to make good use of it. Having time on my hands doesn’t mean that I always have to have it planned out; spending free time relaxing, meditation or reflecting is healthy. But there are many ways I can simply waste it. I’ve come to realize that lure of my addiction was the lure to escape. And the result of all that running away is that I kept hiding from myself. This is most apparent in those times when I am alone and when I feel uncomfortable, like having an itch I can’t find to scratch. It’s at those times I wish I was anywhere else, or doing anything else, than being stuck with only myself. These are the times when I need to slow myself down, to reassure myself that I am safe all by my lonesome. I have to remember the simple things, like breathing. Or like focusing on the thoughts that are preoccupying my attention, recognizing they are there, and letting them go. I need to remain grounded and focused on the present to make the best use of my time.

Affirmation Time is a gift, one that I am learning to value. Time with myself is something to treasure, and a healthy part of my sobriety.

November 25

”Time is what we want most, but... what we use worst.” William Penn

I recall one exercise as I did my 4th Step of trying to determine the cost of my addiction. It was a bit of a daunting task, to look back and tally up how much of my time, money, and energy had been put into supporting that part of my life. I have heard others share their own experiences of going through this and the realization of what the price of this double-life can be. As I work through my recovery, this goes beyond how my addiction affected me, but the secondary effects that it had on family, friends, coworkers, neighbours, etc.  My addiction was very costly indeed. The worst thief of all, still today, is the time I lost, most especially with family. I will never regain all those lost minutes, hours, or days spent in fantasy, lost in front of a computer screen, or wherever else my addiction led. And I used to worry about what I would do with all the free time. Fortunately, life seems to fill most of that time up with just regular day-to-day goings-on. I often wonder how I managed to keep both lives going for so long. It is no wonder that some part of my life had to suffer. I am grateful that I have this new lease to spend my time better on the things that truly are important, like my kids.

Affirmation Time is fleeting and precious, and I will be careful not to waste it on things which are not valuable.

April 26

” Time goes by so fast, people go in and out of your life. You must never miss the opportunity to tell these people how much they mean to you.” Anonymous

I came to a realization recently that I was finding lots of ways to simply fill time. And most of the ways that I was doing it was not productive, useful, or supportive of my recovery. Spending time on the computer, in front of the tv, texting on my phone, or whatever else only succeeds in distracting me from the present. I don’t always need to be doing something, but all these time wasters have one thing in common – keeping me from living the life my Higher Power has set before me. I have a couple choices, to spend my precious moments doing things that support my recovery and the new life I want to live, or sometimes to stop and do nothing and seek the guidance and answer from my Higher Power. Putting into action his plans, or praying and meditating for direction are much better options than simple trying to pass the hours of my life in meaningless gestures. Life moves too quickly, and before I know it I too will shuffle off this mortal coil. The best gift I can offer to those around me is the time and influence I have had in their lives, the experience that I have shared with them, and the love I have shown. Facebook, Twitter or any other modern technology won’t replace genuine time with the people who really matter in my life.

Affirmation I will consciously use the time granted by my Higher Power to do His will, to follow His way, and to spend the time with those who He also allowed to grace my life.