December 8

”A happy family is but an earlier heaven.” George Bernard Shaw

Family means a lot of different things for me these days. It’s a reconnection to my parents after years of ignoring them. It’s a loss of family through my separation and divorce, and unfortunately some of my kids. It’s been an increased in time with some the rest of my children, and a relationship that is being nurtured and making up for past neglect. And it’s also newness as I have moved into a new partnership with additional children in the picture. So I suppose that I shouldn’t be too surprised to find my feelings a little mixed up most of the time. There have been a lot of changes in my life the past couple of years, and family has been something central to those changes. I am content that in many respects, my family is moving towards a happier and stable aspect. Yet there are still moments it is bittersweet as I cannot forgot what was lost to bring me here. Change still means letting go of things, having the willingness to acknowledge that certain paths in my life have drawn to a close. Dealing with loss can still be a challenge, and relationships are something that have an emotional impact. Yet I know that in my recovery I am moving in a better direction in all my interactions and that I am a better person to share my life with others.

Affirmation Bonds can be strengthened or broken, but the ones that remain as I live my recovery can only benefit by my continuing work.

September 29

”To the outside world we all grow old. But not to brothers and sisters. We know each other as we always were. We know each other's hearts. We share private family jokes. We remember family feuds and secrets, family griefs and joys. We live outside the touch of time.” Clara Ortega

My father has always tried to impress the importance of family on me and my sister. I remember from an early age his advice to keep my relationship healthy and vibrant with her, as at some point she will be the only family I have left. I didn’t think much about it as a child, the idea that my parents would one day be gone from my life was not something I could understand. As I grew older, and began a family of my own, the words of my father began to make more sense and take hold in my life. Yet, in the midst of my illness, my family too suffered as I isolated myself from them, their love, care and guidance, just like I din from everyone else who mattered. Thankfully some bridges can be repaired, and my relationship with my family is much strong in my recovery than it has been in quite some time. A blessing, and sometimes a curse, as no one else understands me quite the same way they do. Family is a critical part of my outer circle, a place where I need to make amends for the past, but also a place of support and caring. It is the foundation of my world, the birthplace of my morals and values, and an integral part of my emotional maturity. Indeed, there is no place like home.

Affirmation There are certain people in my life who are important to my recovery. I will make time for them today to connect and maintain the relationship to support my growth.

July 25

”The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.” Helen Keller

Since separating from my spouse, organizing and attending family functions has become much more challenging. Some traditions have been broken, at least temporarily, some events happen twice with only one parent in attendance each time, and sometimes both or only one of us are there. It is hard dealing with special events and seeing or worse hearing from one or more of my children that they wish we could be a normal family again. There is so much to repair, just from my own behaviour in my marriage and as a parent, let alone my spouse’s concerns, that mending relationships is going to be a lengthy process. I know that my own recovery needs to be my first priority or nothing else can be worked on. Yet surprises can pop up from unexpected places. Just prior to a recent birthday my sister, to whom I am close but have grown apart from in recent years, sent me a painting that she had done herself. It was full of positive messages and encouragements, that, to my astonishment, she revealed she had taken from my own meditations. Wow! I am still amazed at how such small acts can have such profound impact. Even more, I am truly grateful to be sober enough to appreciate them.

Affirmation I will be aware of the acts of others; even in times of difficulty there can be bright moments of love, happiness and hope.