December 14

”Flee from sexual immorality.  Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, who you have from God?” 1 Corinthians 16:18-19

I find myself struggling with this idea lately. Rationally I understand the concept, that my body is merely the vessel “on loan” from my Higher Power which hosts my soul, my small piece of that divinity which encompasses all. This is a struggle of changing my perception of being a body with a soul to that of a soul that is temporarily residing in a body. So how exactly does this change my viewpoint? Well, if I truly believe that I am soul inhabiting this physical form, then I guess that means I need to respect this container. And this is where I have ample proof that I have failed, that I have not taken good care of this spiritual shell. I have abused it, neglected it and taken it for granted on many occasions. I have fallen short in treating it with the importance due that divine source within, my soul, my connection with my Higher Power. Reflection brings me back to a simple conundrum, the power of choice. In order to truly treat my body as the gift from my Higher Power, I need to make the right choices. Not the easy ones, not the instant gratification ones, but those that truly take into account how precious life, my life, really is. My addiction has consequences, from the smallest thought to acting out and everything in between. Each strains my connection to myself, my soul, and ultimately my Higher Power. And that is the greatest disservice I can do in return for the life that has been given to me.

Affirmation

Today I will ask for help from my Higher Power to pay proper respect to the precious gift, my body and my life, which has been given to me.

October 26

”When our hatred is too bitter it places us below those whom we hate.” Francois de la Rochefoucauld

One thing which has always bothered me, and still does, is when someone does not treat me with respect. It’s a trigger point for an angry outburst that is usually exaggerated based on the treatment (or mistreatment) that I have received. When I succumb to those outbursts though, I immediately sense that I have put myself lower than the person who has disappointed me. A recurring cause of regret and shame in my life for sure. Sometimes I manage to avoid lowering myself to the level of the person who is frustrating or antagonizing me. These are moments I can be proud of, the times when I stand my ground, keep my cool, and still continue to act out of respect for the other even if they don’t really deserve it. It’s about maintaining my standards in all situations, but also about treating others as I would like to be treated. Hatred, jealousy, bitterness or envy, these darker emotions can quickly take me to a place where I am no better, or worse than the people around me who bother me or get on my nerves. Some people will try to push my buttons, touch my sensitive areas to get me to react. But degrading my standards or disrespecting my own values is not something that will help me grow. I can all too easily spiral into a period of loathing which will turn me in towards myself and take me closer to my addiction. That is not a direction I wish to take, the cost of coming back is too great.

Affirmation

When I am mistreated it is okay to feel hurt, angry, or disrespected. But I believe that it is my Higher Power’s place to judge and punish others, not mine. Sometimes a taking deep breath and walking away is the best thing I can do for me.

March 9

”The truest form of love is how you behave toward someone, not how you feel about them.” Steve Hall

One of the things I am learning to recognize about my behaviours are the triggers behind them. I am starting to be able to look at moments where I feel I am on the defensive and look deeper at what is behind the situation before me. One that has been in evidence lately is that of respect. When I feel like I am not being respected, or someone whom I care about is being poorly treated, it really bothers me and can set me off. In looking at my past, I can certainly see this pattern, especially when the disrespect comes from a child. I can recognize that this is a pattern from childhood, something that my parents used to repeat, that a child should always respect their elders. This was particularly enforced by my father. The punishment for disobeying was a spanking and I have a better sense of why a similar urge comes over me in situations where I am now the adult. It is a step towards putting a better response into action. It’s hard admitting and recognizing that many of my behaviours stem from things learned as a child, engrained into my personality before I could really comprehend. Even more so that what I learned at a young age appears so naturally in my role as a parent. But I know that behaviours can be changed and finding out what needs to be different is an initial step in the process to better living.

Affirmation My growing awareness will allow me to look beyond my initial reactions to the root cause of my learned behaviours and false beliefs and will be another catalyst for change.

October 15

”One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say.” Bryant McGill

Communication has been somewhat of a troublesome area for me in my life. My addict has learned too well to hear only what it wants to hear, to filter out what it doesn’t and to only provide enough truth to make people stop asking questions and go away. Sad, but unfortunately very true. Needless to say, communication has been an integral piece of my recovery as well. Good communication now has to start with the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. This means from everything I try to tell myself before I even begin working on dealing with other people, or even my Higher Power. However, given the Master’s degree in deceit and deception I have ungraciously earned over the past decades, words are not sufficient. What I say needs to be followed, pretty well immediately, by actions that support them and demonstrate that they are truly meant. The other side is that I need to listen to others, to honestly take the time to hear people out, let them express their feelings and opinions, and reflect that I have heard and understood. Stopping to let others be heard is a critical part of sharing messages that are actually received and helps to avoid disagreements and conflicts.

Affirmation Learning to communicate better can go a long way to rebuilding trust and respect with those around me.

September 25

”You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

One of my biggest challenges as I move through separation from my spouse, as our relationship has gone from being friends to enemies, at least for now, is to continue to show respect. Doing kind acts, at least for the sake of my kids when I know full well the same gesture would not be given in return, is very trying. Keeping my spouse informed about events at school, or health or other concerns with our kids during their time with me is how I would like, and even expect, to be treated, even if I am not. I do not do this for the sake of my spouse. It is mostly for the benefit of the kids, they should not be the ones to have to inform my former partner. At a more basic level, it is simply the right thing to do. As the Bible tells me, I am should love my enemies. This is a true test of love and kindness, to act with the foreknowledge that your gesture is likely to be rejected, yet still do it. I may never repair that relationship to a point where we can be civilized with each other. I don’t know what my Higher Power’s will is in that regard yet. However I need to continue living with my principles intact, and treating others with respect, even the other parent who may hate me right now, is certainly one of them.

Affirmation I will continue to treat others as I would like to be treated. I can hold my head up for living by my values and morals.