April 10

”Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it.” Henry David Thoreau

Success and recognition used to be something I wanted desperately. I needed that validation from others that what I did matter, that I had value and purpose. My importance had to come from elsewhere. Today, that attitude has changed. In growing through the 12 Steps I am learning that my value comes from within. My success is measured by me, by the goals I set, the challenges I overcome, the milestones that I surpass. In creating my circles and writing a sobriety contract with my sponsor, I have redefined my vision of success. Continuing to work my program and focusing on the multitude of tasks in my outer circle make me a success as a human being and a member of society. Recovery keeps me busy. Once I made the commitment to work hard at staying sober, I jumped at many opportunities which came my way. I regularly attend meetings, I have a few sponsees, I participate in committees and I continue to read recovery material, work the steps, and of course write my meditations. My biggest success each day is being able to go to sleep, serene and sober.

Affirmation

Working the steps will help me put life into a better perspective and allow me to redefine things like success and achievement.

October 19

”Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

I am beginning to see the challenges, obstacles and difficulties of life in a new perspective. I used to complain a great deal about life being hard, about the fact if there was a most complicated and convoluted way to get through a situation, I would be sure to find it. I thought life was supposed to be easier, and was constantly seeking a time when it would be normal, without disaster after disaster. Now I am realizing that maybe this life is meant to be hard. That the mountains I encounter are meant to teach me something, to help me grow, to give me strength. Perhaps even to humble me, and make me realize that I cannot succeed in this life on my own, without my Higher Power to help me. So I find myself opening up to embrace the challenges. I have always had the belief that God never gives us more than we can handle. So when I feel overwhelmed, it’s the time to ask for His help to go through it. And I can be grateful for those times of difficulty and see them as a sign that the God of my understanding has the faith in me that I come out the other side of the storm.

Affirmation If life is an uphill climb, I will but on my boots and tackle the mountain before me. I will be better for facing the challenge rather than looking for an easier, softer way.

January 28

”Keep high aspirations, moderate expectations, and small needs.” William Howard Stern

Too many times in my life I feel disappointed, like I have been robbed of something I deserved or that life is just out to get me. This is usually a sign that my expectations of the world are too high, that I am seeking something that is beyond what I should want, and certainly that I am aspiring for things that surpass my needs. As I grow spiritually, I am learning that my true needs are few, and that if I content myself with them, they are easily achievable and something that my Higher Power will never leave me without. My expectations are most easily satisfied if I seek to satisfy the will of the power greater than me that will restore me to sanity. Life is more fulfilling when I focus on how I can be of service to others rather than being obsessed with my own need for wealth and gain. When my perspective changes from what I think the world owes me to one of trying to find how much more I can share, then happiness awaits me at every turn. Where I can put my strength without fear of giving too much is in hope, in hoping for unconditional love, peace, and serenity. My trust in God comes with the belief that with Him anything is possible. I need to remain open and willing to listen to His Good Orderly Direction.

Affirmation Perspective is key to seeking balance in my life and giving things their proper priority. Putting First Things First will allow me to find contentment with all that I already have.

December 1 (63)

”It isn’t whether you get knocked down, it’s whether you get back up.” Vince Lombardi

There is little doubt in my mind that life will continue to throw obstacles in my way. Things are not always going to go according to my own plans. Yet as I grow closer to my Higher Power, I am loosening my grip on the path of my own life and opening up to the will of the God of my understanding. This means I accept that I am going to fall, that I will experience set-backs as I move through the events of my life. Yet each day in recovery, each step I take in working my program, builds my confidence, resilience and capacity to deal with this adversity.  The program and my recovery family are teaching me new skills and tools that help me manage all kinds of different situations. The 12 Steps may be a suggested program of recovery for addictions but they are also a fundamental set of principles for general life skills. The importance as I face these challenges is to remember to put them in perspective. To ask for help when I need it. To realize that this too shall pass. To turn over those things not in my control to my Higher Power. It’s these small things that help to chip away at my seemingly insurmountable problems to reduce them into something I can face and overcome.

Affirmation The program is teaching me how to live a better life. May I remember to put into practice the tools and skills I am learning.

November 15 (79)

”We all feel the urge to condemn ourselves out of guilt, to blame others for our misfortunes and to fantasize about total disorder.” Deepak Chopra

Guilt is a powerful emotion. The guilt of the things I have done or not done, coupled with the shame, was fuel to keep me continuing to act out. It was both an attempt to run away from the pain and also a way to soothe my suffering and feel better. Another big factor was how I always shifted the blame, avoided my responsibility and found ways to justify my actions. It is almost humorous, in a very sad way, when I look back at how I used to be, how I thought I was successfully hiding everything I did, fooling all those around me into believing my fake persona all the while that I was living a lie. Really I am saddened and feel tremendous pity for how my life used to be, that I was so emotionally immature, so lost from the right path, and all that I missed out on while bowing to the will of my false idol. It is taking time to stop condemning myself, to stop seeing a monster when I look inside but instead finding a good person who has made bad choices. I know I am not perfect, far from it in fact, and I am getting better at accepting that I will make mistakes. The goal is to keep things in perspective and avoid living at the extremes, good or bad. Moderation is a tool to help me find balance and serenity.

Affirmation I have done wrong and will accept the consequences, but holding onto my guilt and shame will not aid me in moving forward.

October 31 (94)

”When I hear somebody sigh ‘Life is hard,’ I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?’” Sydney J. Harris

It’s sometimes hard to see beyond my own problems. They seem to be sit in front of me, blocking my view of everything else. It often takes me going to a meeting and hearing the sharing of others' stories to put my own troubles into perspective. Sometimes it takes me being able to see others' struggles and challenges, hearing and watching them cope, to help me see a way past where I find myself in my own life. Left to my own devices I always tend to make my problems larger than they are. When all I stare at is the issue at hand, it makes it hard to find any kind of solution. I am thankful that I can rely on others to help break me out of that trance. Life has its challenges, but I am learning to live by the Serenity Prayer, to put things into a more realistic perspective. I am letting go of those things and people that I cannot change. Most of my solutions now involve looking at what I can change, what I can do personally in any given situation. It comes from an acceptance of letting the will of my Higher Power precede my own.

Affirmation I will try to focus today on the solutions rather than the problems. Listening to how others cope with their struggles can inspire my own problem-solving.