March 29

"But fear is an incompetent teacher...to be alive is a responsibility as well as a right.” Patrick Stewart

I've heard the mantra in the program than pain is a teacher. I think that is a more valuable assessment, so I agree with the actor's statement as Admiral Jean-Luc Picard, fear is not a great teacher. Fear has taught me to hide, to cower, to run away from adversity and difficult. Pain used to teach me the same thing, but only because I turned to the compulsive and obsessive behaviours and acts of my addiction. In recovery, pain is a signal that there is something going on that I need to pay attention to, that this is an opportunity for growth and change, not something that I from which I need to escape.      I have been given this life, for a reason, I have a purpose. I have both a responsibility, and the right, to use the talents, skills, and abilities that I possess, to live the best and most productive life that I can. My addictive past was selfish and self-centered. My life in recovery, while taking care of myself may be seen as a selfish act, is all about widening my horizons so that I am an active part of my community and the world. It is about being the best me I can in order to give service to others.     I still face fear and pain. I still have regret, shame and guilt. Yet these are no longer the dominating emotions in my world. Rather, I am able to focus on the hope, joy, serenity and beauty in the world. I am maturing, emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, and even in my relationships. I am more connected to myself, more in harmony between my thoughts, words, and actions.

Affirmation

I will be open to the signs of fear and pain in my life today and look for the opportunities within them for growth and development.

September 9

”No matter who says what, you should accept it with a smile and do your own work.” Mother Theresa

There are days when I surprise myself in my actions. Like the other day when I received a rather lengthy diatribe from my spouse that was a release of anger, frustration, emotion and pain for all the ways I had done them and my family wrong while in my addiction. Somehow I managed to read it all, vent my frustration with other members, and then, after calming myself, replying with a simple and genuine “Thank You.” Those two words have so much meaning. I am grateful that the feelings were shared, grateful to be able to accept the parts that are true and let go of those that are not instead of creating resentments, and grateful to have insight into where my former partner is in their own life. Lastly it was yet another reminder of how much differently I live today than when I was under the influence of my addiction. The program has opened the doors back to the house of the God of my understanding. I have found peace and serenity within, I am continuously letting go of what I cannot control, living in the moment, and happily, in a place where I can truly say, “There but for the grace of God, go I.”

Affirmation Letting my Higher Power into my life brings me peace and serenity; from here I can face all the challenges of life with calmness and reason.