December 14

”Flee from sexual immorality.  Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, who you have from God?” 1 Corinthians 16:18-19

I find myself struggling with this idea lately. Rationally I understand the concept, that my body is merely the vessel “on loan” from my Higher Power which hosts my soul, my small piece of that divinity which encompasses all. This is a struggle of changing my perception of being a body with a soul to that of a soul that is temporarily residing in a body. So how exactly does this change my viewpoint? Well, if I truly believe that I am soul inhabiting this physical form, then I guess that means I need to respect this container. And this is where I have ample proof that I have failed, that I have not taken good care of this spiritual shell. I have abused it, neglected it and taken it for granted on many occasions. I have fallen short in treating it with the importance due that divine source within, my soul, my connection with my Higher Power. Reflection brings me back to a simple conundrum, the power of choice. In order to truly treat my body as the gift from my Higher Power, I need to make the right choices. Not the easy ones, not the instant gratification ones, but those that truly take into account how precious life, my life, really is. My addiction has consequences, from the smallest thought to acting out and everything in between. Each strains my connection to myself, my soul, and ultimately my Higher Power. And that is the greatest disservice I can do in return for the life that has been given to me.

Affirmation

Today I will ask for help from my Higher Power to pay proper respect to the precious gift, my body and my life, which has been given to me.

March 3

”Life is a cup to be filled not drained.” Anonymous

Acceptance of the good things in life is not something that comes easy. After years of putting myself down, of telling myself that I was worth nothing, that nothing good was ever meant to happen to me, it’s challenging to receive happiness and prosperity into my world. Yet this is what I always wanted and what I felt I deserved. My poor self-esteem is a fundamental part of this process. I am gradually rebuilding, slowly coming to accept that my view of myself has to start within. So on those days when I like who I see in the mirror, when I am able to recognize and congratulate myself on my achievements, these are steps towards loving myself once again. I take heart in the fact that I am surrounding myself with others who care about me. It is a comfort to know that I can be loved as I am. Certainly, if others are willing to take that step, I have to be able to do likewise and be proud to be who I am, and accept gratitude and reward as something I deserve because I do deserve it. It’s time for me to focus on filling my cup.

Affirmation I am worthy of recognition, acceptance, friendship, respect and love. First and foremost from myself, and certainly as well from others.

November 28 (66)

”They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world. Someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for.” Tom Bodett

If life truly is that simple, then my addiction certainly fell short of meeting those basics for happiness. I was far from having anyone to love, many that I lusted after, but only my addict wanted love. Yet that was not pure love, but a selfish, greedy, self-centered and egotistical love. My addiction certainly provided something to do, but nothing that was beneficial, nothing that created or promoted life or that was constructive or productive in any way. And last something to hope for; well I would say that was part of the main driving force behind my compulsive behaviour. But it was a desperate hope to find something, that perfect release, the perfect moment of bliss, the perfect acting out fantasy become reality which was nothing but a pipe dream. Far from attainable or achievable, it remained always out of reach but kept me hooked and seeking to find that sexual nirvana which always managed to elude my grasp. In recovery I am discovering that I can be happy if I love myself, that my recovery is something to do to make a difference, and that my hope to remain connected to my Higher Power is enough for true contentment.

Affirmation I will move aware from the empty promises and fruitless adventures of my compulsive behaviours. True happiness comes from simple, basic things.